The Silent Call.

What the mind shows you.

I don't know where I am going but I know where I've been. I can only think it can get better from here but I have a fear that if I truly believe that, then it will only get worse. Im walking along and it is pitch black like it has always been. Im thinking about her and thats when I see the tree but for some reason I hesitate going over to it because I see a girl already there. What is she doing there? This is my mind and I dont know why anyone else would want to be here. So I walk alittle closer to find that the girl sitting under the tree, is the girl I have been talking about. I guess it is about time I say her name, it's Amy.

I run over there and sit right beside her, yet she doesnt notice me. I try tapping her her shoulder and touching her back but she still just is sitting there, reading a book. Is she ignoring me? Does she know Im here and is just choosing not to acknowledge my existance? These questions ponder in my brain for a moment... I look down at the book and pull it from her hands. She finally looks up at me and jumps, "When did you get here??" she says. "I've been here..." I say. "Oh Im sorry... I just get so into books.. Sometimes I-" she says. "Its okay dude, calm down." I say, "What brings you here under this tree?"  "Well, actually, I came to see you! Jeez, kinda sucks I didnt even notice you here..." she laughs as she puts her head down. Her laugh is so beautiful. I push her over in a joking manor and lay on her stomach. "So, Im your pillow now huh? "Oh shut up, you're comfortable! Its a compliment." "Oh, sure, its so peaceful here.." "Yeah, right now. You should be here on a bad day. Or well, you really shouldn't actually. Please never be her on a bad day.." "I'll try."

All of a sudden she starts fading and my head drops to the ground. It was all in my head... she wasnt really there. That didnt just happen. Why does my mind do this to me? Torture me and taunt me with my own fears, needs, and wants. It's like no matter how much I try to imagine good things, amzing possibilities, it will never be my reality. She will never want to be with someone who is so fucked up in the head. Who is so hidious and ashamed of herself and insecure about so much. Or maybe she is different? Its hard to trust my instincts when I cant make up my mind. My mind makes up me...