The Story of A Sufferer

Tuesday: Instant Change

'Today is a good day'! my gut feeling told me as my alarm dragged me out of my bed. I staggered drunkenly to the bathroom and made myself presentable. Monday mornings are the worst but Tuesday mornings aren't any better.

A minute. That's how long it takes for the water to become remotely warm, but the wait still feels like an eternity. I splash water onto my face and rub the sleep dust out of my eyes. I'm still sleepy though.

My uniform next- oh joy! The pain of having to put on a cold blouse and skirt should not have to exist. Why do poorly managed council houses have to be so cold?! Oh yeah- they're council houses!

My heavy excuse of a bag sags down on my shoulders and I look up to the gloomy, grey clouds above. Yes, today will be such a good day.

/////////////////

I reach the school's looming gates after a brief walk. Thankfully, the clouds haven't decided to let their bowels loose, though it is still very icy. I find myself regretting my coat, still lying on my neatly folded blanket. A soft 'mew' emits from my feet and I swiftly gaze down.

Fluff. A big ball of faded white fur rubs against my legs. I call her Fluff. She doesn't have a collar so I assumed she's a stray. I stoop down to brush my hand across her soft hair. 

I like strays. Some are quite wild and hostile, but others like to suck up to you. It's obvious Fluff was one of the latter. After a few hundred strokes, I get up.

I left early, so when I enter the building it's beautifully deserted. I love the haunting silence. It's a forceful peace. An undisturbed habitat for the outcasts. I'm no outcast but even I can't help but find the soundless atmosphere comforting.

Taking a deep breath, I push open the door and enter the empty classroom. My eyes flit across the mess left by yesterday's final class. An empty coca-cola can, sweet wrappers, stray bits of popcorn and a sanitary pad (unused) taped to some poor souls chair. I wonder what kind of party I missed!

First of all, there is one thing that must be made absolutely clear. I am a neat freak. Within the next five minutes, the class room is spotless- yes, even the pad. Right on cue, a classmate enters gracefully.

She's sporting a skirt four centimeters shorter than minimum required length and eye liner that even Cleopatra couldn't rival. It was my friend. Fenix.

"Yo!" she greeted, throwing a half eaten Mars bar at me.

I swing my arm through the air but miss- as always. She laughs and my chest tightens for a second.

This is something I don't understand. Why do I feel this pain when others laugh?

My thoughts are quickly eradicated when she sets down her bag on a desk and starts up a conversation about my newest artwork. I pull out my art sketchpad and the conversation fully escalates.

/////////////

Lunch rolls around after four lessons roll by. Lessons aren't too much of a big deal for me. As long as I take down eligible notes, I can revise the content at a later point in time. 

My gut feeling from earlier was neither right nor wrong. Today had been a relatively normal day, to be honest.

I munch on a sandwich I had packed for my lunch half heartedly. Fenix is in the art studio rushing her homework due in tomorrow morning. I have other friends, of course, but they're busy with other things or each other. Each other.

I snap out of my deep thoughts and a distant hand waves me over. Iris. I trot over, discarding the remnants of my lunch in the bin. She wraps me in a hug and I gently squeeze her back. Iris isn't a very close friend like Fenix but a good enough friend to hug comfortably.

Pulling away softly, I turn around to face the rest of the group. I list them off in my head. Clover. Pearl. Rana.

Rana grins at me and I shiver. My heart warns me that something will happen but with Iris clinging to one of my arms, it's pretty hard to escape. I force a smile at Rana and she inhales deeply.

"Acho!"

I blink in shock, microscopic particles of snot splattered over my face. Iris abruptly lets go of my arm and I stumble, clutching a table to regain my balance. Pearl sniggers and Rana quickly apologises. My heart muscle constricts again like this morning. Why does it hurt?!

The form mentor pops her head through the door and reminds the class to collect the attendance register ready for the next class. I volunteer and calm myself enough to stride out of the classroom flashing a final week smile at Iris's clique.

I step outside, gulping down mouthfuls of fresh air. Using my sleeve I quickly wipe my face. I'll clean it properly later. A drop freezes on contact with my cheek and I tremble, starting to power walk to the central building.

As I pass a wall, a pent up urge overwhelms me. My fist hits the wall. Softly, but it still hurts none the less. I instantly feel stupid when I see that a small cut has appeared on my knuckle. I never knew that wall was so gritty.

I make a quick stop at the quietest toilets in the school and with my back against the wall sink down to the floor. Tears wet my cheeks and I feel like choking. The pain from the last two incidents today burns furiously.

I wheeze trying to make as little noise as possible. I'm drowning in a deep sea with no one around to even glance at me. The blood from my cut dribbles down gracefully to my fingertips as I watch on helplessly.

My head falls into my crossed arms and I laugh bitterly. My mood can switch so easily.

My day's not a 'good day'. In fact it's the opposite.

All this, from a sneeze.

A sneeze that caused an instant change.