His Hidden Little Secrets

June 16th ADC, pt. 4

No no no.

No no no.

No. No. No.

"Who do you think I am?" I scream at the Dr. Goromney. "A crazy bitch? Because I'm not!"

I look for something within my reach to throw, but Julia comes over and puts her hand on mine.

"No. We do not," she says in a soothing voice.

I sigh deeply, with almost relief.

Dr. Goromney runs her finger through her hair with jitteriness. "Thank you, Julia."

Julia gives both of us half-hearted smiles. "Saige, we just need you to get better," she says. "You are a human being who I know is loved and cared about. You deserve to live."

They both leave after another minute and I sink down into my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I deserve to live.

I lay in bed for hours after that, waiting for someone to come and see me. The only people who came, however, were the nurses.

I want to see my mom. I want see my dad, who isn't really apart of my life (even though my parents are together and live with me), because I need him more than ever right now. And (almost) most of all, I want to see and talk to Braden.

I close my eyes.

///

I wake up hours later to find Braden standing above me. Thank God. Finally.

"You're awake," he says, as if he doesn't know what to say.

"I am."

"How... How are you?"

"Fine," I say in a numb tone.

"Good, good."

A silence floats among us.

Suddenly, Braden breaks into tears. I stare at him, almost confusedly.

"I thought... I thought you were a goner," he yells. "I thought you were gonna be dead, Saige." Rivers of saltwater stream down his face.

I sit in my bed, not knowing what to say.

"I lost my best friend," he continues. "And now, what? I'm going to lose the girl I've have a freaking crush on even before she dated Cater? Even before she knew I existed?"

"You like me?" I ask.

"THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT," he yells even louder. He kicks my bed. "I just can't lose another one. I'm just... So broken. I'm everyone's second choice. And once I do have someone I think I can love and hang onto for dear life, they literally FREAKING DIE."

"Braden, Carter died. That's it. I almost died but, see? I'm still here!" I show him my hands to prove that I'm real, but when I realize that my wrists still look raw, I hide them under the hospital blankets.

"My grandpa died," he says. "And my cat..."

"Not recently though, right?"

"No..."

"See? Like, everyone dies Carter; don't be too upset over me or anything. I'm fine. You're fine. We'll all be fine."

He stares at me in silence.

"You know what, Saige?" He says after a moment. "You act like I haven't lost a thing. I have lost my grandpa and my cat, and maybe those things happened when I was a little kid, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss them just as much." He points at me. "You, of all people, Saige St. George, should know that no one gets over loss. Just a couple of weeks ago, you were crying like a baby over Carter. Not "just Carter," but the "love of your life!"

I go silent.

"And you know what? I have lost more than you think. I've lost more than just my grandpa, my cat, and my best friend; I've lost my innocence, my happiness, my heart for the world. And you know what you made me realize?" He stares into my soul. "That I've lost my belief in true love as well."

I feel my heart shatter in my chest, but I don't feel any pain as he walks out of the room. I want to continue to mope, but the moping of others affects people badly, I guess. I should probably try to suck it up, but I don't know how.

The door slams.

///

Guys! I know that this chapter is still pretty short but I can't continue to write without starting a different chapter with a new ADC date :/ so sorry about that. But I just wanted to say THANK YOU FOR OVER 1K READS! You guys are so incredible and I can't believe that I've gotten SO much support even though I hardly ever get a chance to write! I am so crazy blessed to have amazing readers and followers. I love you guys to the moon and back! I will write again ASAP :)