i hide my true feelings behind a act. i have to be a proper, sufisticated, smart girl and i am those things but i am just like any other amarican teenage girl. im not an uptight, princessy type girl like my friends (no offence to them) im not rich, i dont wear designer stuff, i dont have a very big house. im not a spoiled little brat, i have a brother and a sister a mother and father and thats all i need.
all my friends expect more of me, sometimes they get me but most time they rarely try. i dont want them to get to know the real me, im a computer geek/nerd i can express my feelings on here and i dont care what people think of me but its different with my friends i think they'll turn on me and stop being my friend.
its happened before. i push my friends away scared and teriffyed of myself i hold it in and its hard, sometimes i feel like my heads going to explode!
i have a crush on a friend, he is nice,smart,awesome,funny,hot and i push all of my friends away. i really like to be alone its just who i am. i used to be out there but a old friend i told every thing to she turned on me and told everything to my crush and other people, now i dont trust easy. i have a friend that i had since i was a baby, i trust her. i have a friend that i met two years ago and i trust her enough. and the boy i have a crush on i met seven years ago and i trust him. those are the only three the rest im teriffyed that they'll find out hell im scared if one of those three turn on me and tell everyone my secrets.
i still trust them with some secrets but not my dark ones. my brother is a pain and my sister is a wreak. my brother has a child named Mason, he is a great dad since his ex-fiance left him but they trade of. its hard to see my brother in pain sometimes i want to go up to her and beat the living day light right out of her.
my mom says she is still apart of this family but whatever. my mom and dad are old they are about to retire. im always stressed and deprest. im scared about school, teachers, more teen drama, and just life itself is, Boom to me stressful and depresing.
why is their life and death i never thought of that why do the people i love keep leaving.
this world is like hell in some ways we arnt burning in fire but sometimes it feels that way. we get are hearts broken then built then broken again when someone dies sometimes its a perminent feeling or ait takes a year or months. i know they are going to a place we cant explain in words its that beautiful, but we have to suffer the pain. my grandpa was in pain then we let him go that day i think i cried all day and all night for a year, i couldnt sleep, eat, drink, think strait, just hoping that when i close my eyes and look again and see everyone there, they made me eat and drink.
but this is reality and i cant stop anything from happening. i wish i could but i cant.
on one of my favorite holidays my dog died i cried every night for a couple of monthes. i have had my dog since i was a baby and it was hard to live without him. it was even harder that i was the only person that knew the next day since i was at a friends house watching tv and having fun.
i keep a diary i write in it every day, one time i left it in the classroom on accident and my crush found it. he read it and i was so worried he would tell people but he didnt. he is a true friend. in fifth grade i had to sit in front of him, i was so worried he would blurt it out but he didnt.
my friend April the one i known since i was a baby she has dated like the whole school. Kate my friend for two years is the shy, girly girl type but awesome, both of them are. william is the guy every one bullies because he's a nerd but he is a fun person to be around and awesome. james is the stupidest guy ever but he is so hot and kind of smart, athletic, amazing eyes and hair, the awesomest person to be friends with.
me i love soccer and dancing, my two favorite colors are black and white, my favorite shows are Angel and doctor who, favorite songs are radioactive by imagine dragons and goodbye to you by Michelle branch, my favorite movie is the evil dead. i know what your asking why didnt she put it in her info box, well you have to read this to find out.
this is me and my imperfect life! this is my secrets and opinions tell me what you think?. ~Elisa
