The Tree Fic

"Get out of my way!" I angrily shout at the fallen tree blocking my path.
"Oh yes my dear child. Because I obviously felled myself simply for the sake of blocking you," the tree remarked.
I sighed. "I'm heading to see my boyfriend."
The tree rolled it's eyes. "Oh my bad. I mean I felled myself simply for the sake of /cock/-blocking you."
I groaned. There was nothing worse than being delayed by a sarcastic tree in the road.
I pulled out my bubble gum. Chewing it quickly, I blew a bubble as large as I could. Without popping it I removed it from my mouth and placed it on the tree's trunk.
"Sorry sir." I mumbled as the bubble began swelling. As I turned to get out of the blast zone I could vaguely hear the tree ranting about gender assumptions.
Just as I dove behind a bush, a huge boom sounded as the tree exploded.