Sadness,anger,annoyance, depression, happy,love all things to be felt on a day such as today.
The utter truth is that today somthing is wrong with me. I was so used to being alone as a child, not many friends. I had finally made friends and just like that I'd lost them, and all because of a stupid change of location. I hate being alone always have, always will.I m so used to having friends and always having someone to talk to all day that I'd forgotten how it felt to be alone. But now that the snow has fallen and I have no way off seeing anyone today I almost feel alone. Almost...But ik that I'm not really alone, the utter truth is part of me believes I am. Right now even at this moment I feel as if everything and everyone I've come to know and love don't exist. I know it's stupid but that's the utter truth.I'd been so busy that I'd forgotten what it was like to just sit at home all day alone in my room. It almost feels like I am completely alone.
But ik that I'm not really alone, the utter truth is part of me believes I am. Right now even at this moment I feel as if everything and everyone I've come to know and love don't exist. I know it's stupid but that's the utter truth. No! I shan't speak of those barbaric idiots! I'd had forgotten how much better being alone is than... family. So horrid they are, like biting into freshly cooled silver spoons.
Family. I realize it's crazy to ramble on about them. I mean everyone has family issues and it'd grow rather tiresome if everyone just rambled on about... family. Perhaps all family is the same. But nor all home life can possibly be the same. The heart shattering reality of home, a place meant for safety and peace. Instead a madhouse of anger and reluctant bull shit.
Perhaps it is the same. Then
everything that I might say could be cliche drama. Perhaps I am not alone in the ever darker growing hell hole that is home. Perhaps that is the utter truth. Sometimes it feels better to just sit alone in peace, do nothing but stare at an empty wall of nothing but plaster anf paint. Or lay on a bed of unfolded blankets and tosses pillows, or maybe even just standing outside waiting for snow, ever so patient for the first drop to hit.
In most cases people do better alone, wondering the streets thinking of past times just causing a bigger stress on the mind scape.
Why people do this I know not the reason or have the slightest clue. Perhaps we just need weight on our shoulders,maybe some people can't go through happiness without sadness.
To some people sadness Fails to exist. No one will go without sadness forever, eventually everyone gets dragged down into the hole of depression. Eventually all those happy will be desperate to climb out of the hole. But the utter truth is not everyone makes it out.
The utter truth is that we're all just snow flakes waiting to fall, we can only I'm imagine the pain of the first to drop. I grow so angry that I start to squeeze my eyes shut, oh so tight until I fall deep into a blank space of flashing lights and grey ish colors. U grow angrier by the day as if it were going to help anything.
They walk all smug and happy, unaware at what lies ahead. Most of them don't believe in depression or anything of the sort. It infuriates me that they believe those who are depressed are just pretending, or just going crazy.
The utter truth is I was like that, a small naive boy who believed that life was always happy. I thought that I would never stoop to such a low. The funny part is when I actually did get depressed I became angry at people who didn't believe in it, as if I actually believed in it myself. I think the worst part of it all is that I was one of those people who walked cockily down the halls with the thought that depressed people were just fakers praying for attention. Now I know, now I face the utter truth that I am no better than any self righteous dick head roaming the streets.
YOU ARE READING
the utter truth.
Poetry"This word you want to say is a word held back by chained teeth and a snake tounge"
