Akumal

35 Islands and Not one For Me

Present

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There it was. An actual house. It was a brilliant shade of yellow with the prettiest dark blue shutters and window boxes. Each box contained a row of carefully coordinated blooming flowers. The front porch boasted enough room for a dining room table, and it was stained a deep brown. The grass had been cut, and the scent in the air proved it. There was not a single crack in the freshly paved driveway. Even the flattened stones leading up to the front deck were clearly distinguished from the rest of the lawn. It was beautiful.

And I won't lie when I say this: I absolutely hated it.

My mother stepped out of the car and took a nice long whiff of the fresh air. I could see a hint of sadness on her face, but she tried to cover it. I stayed in the passenger seat, and I didn't intend on budging.

The front door of the house was suddenly yanked open, and out stepped my fun-loving cookie-baking terribly OCD grandmother. She held out her arms as she walked down the porch steps to my mother, and the two embraced. Yeah, I was definitely not getting out of the car. Especially if-

And out they came. My twin cousins, Aaron and Bryce. Words could not describe my despair. Surely they wouldn't be there full time, would they? I definitely would not be able to handle that. No way.

Aaron ran over to my window and pressed his nose against the glass. He stuck his tongue out, and it touched the dirty window. I pressed the window down button and his face squeaked on the glass. He pushed back and started laughing his annoying laugh. Bryce yanked my mom's door open and climbed on to her seat, coming towards me. I immediately jumped out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I pushed right past my grandma, who extended her arms out to me, and walked straight into the house. I didn't want to be here, and I certainly didn't plan on acting like it.

The interior was overwhelmingly neat. Back home, everything was always a mess, but that was simply the way I liked it. I shielded my eyes from the cleanliness and tried desperately to find my room. No luck. There was one room for the boys when they stayed over, one for my grandma, one guest (now for my mom), and one terribly pink bedroom that could not possibly be mine. Unless it was.

I stared into the room. No. Please no. "It's been a while since you've visited, so I didn't know what you still liked," came grandma's voice over my shoulder. "I was thinking that we could repaint it together if you wanted to."

I closed my eyes. It was all I could do to keep from crying. Because that was what I sincerely wanted to do right now. I walked into the room and threw myself onto the neon bed, sticking my face into a pillow. I felt a shift in the mattress as grandma sat down on the other end. She tried to put her hand on my shoulder, but I nudged it away. She sat there for a while, saying nothing. I refused to take my face out of the pillow.

Finally, she stood up. I heard her walk towards the door, and then she stopped. "I missed you Kai," she said softly. I didn't answer. She stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Then I cried. And I cried. Until I just couldn't cry anymore. I let the tears flow out. When they finally stopped, I sat up and stared about the room. It was awful. So bright it hurt my eyes. Could I possibly have ever liked this?

I pulled back the silk curtain with my hand, and stared out the window into the back yard. No ocean. Not even a pond or a lake. Or a pool. No water. Just a backyard full of flowers. And smack dab in the middle was white rose, blooming around a stake in the ground from when it had been planted. Was all of Rhode Island this flowery? I sure hoped not.

Then I closed my eyes and imagined a giant wave crashing down on this flowery garden, destroying it and turning it into a beach with sand for miles around. Waves gently flopped on the shore, seaweed and bits of debris coming with them. It wasn't perfect, but that's how I wanted it. It was my own kind of normal. Slowly, I opened my eyes, hoping it had all come true.

But all that was there was the white rose, it's thorns choking tears out of my eyes once more.