Like We Used To (Larry Stylinson)

Louis isn’t sure what happened.

It’s like the glue that held them together slipped away, out of his grasp, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t hold it in place.

He was losing Harry.

That thought was like a knife, a dagger. It hurt to think.

See, Louis loved him. He loved him more than anyone. Ever since he saw his curls and his green eyes and his raspy voice, he had loved him and this is where it had gotten him.

Broken, alone, staring into the mirror, meeting his own red rimmed blue eyes and wondering what had happened, reeling from the shock.

Harry didn’t know. Harry didn’t know Louis loved him. Harry didn’t know Louis broke up with Eleanor for him (sometimes, her face still haunts him-that look of absolute hurt). Harry didn’t know and so maybe this was Louis’ fault, for not telling him and letting him fall in love with somebody else.

See, Louis didn’t know Harry was gay. He didn’t know that, and maybe he wouldn’t have been so afraid to tell him the truth.

But now it was too late, and instead of Harry lying on the bed, waiting for Louis, he was lying on Niall’s bed, waiting for Niall, kissing Niall’s cheek goodnight like he used to kiss his.

I can feel his breath

As he’s sleeping next to me

Sharing pillows and cold feet

He can feel my heart fell asleep to it’s beat

Under blankets and warm sheets

 

(before he fell in love with someone else and before Louis was broken)

 

Louis is awake. Harry isn’t.

The younger boy is cuddled into Louis’ chest, curls messy from sleeping and eyelashes dark against his skin.

Louis watches him sleep, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips. He loves this boy so much.

His heartbeat speeds up just by looking at Harry, and he closes his eyes, savoring the feeling of his hot breath against his cheek and warm skin pressed against his.

The emotions in him almost make his choke up. He loves Harry, oh, her loves and he swear he’ll tell him soon. But for right now, everything’s all right. He has all the time in the world, to tell Harry he loves him and for them to be together, to spend every morning together, to just be in love.

He was wrong.

If only I could be in that bed again

If only it was me and instead of him

 

(after he fell in love with someone else and Louis is shattered)

He’s forced to watch Niall and Harry sit next to each other while they watch movies. The spot next to him feels achingly empty. Where Haz used to sit, with him. Where they’d whisper into each other’s ears all night long. Where they were just Boobear and Hazza and understood each other.

Louis missed that. He missed that so much it physically hurt him. He wanted to be Niall, he wanted to be Niall so fucking badly.

He blinks, his eyes burning, as Harry says something to Niall and they both giggle. Louis’s breath catches because he had no idea it would hurt this bad, would leave him breathless from the pain.