Phil looked out the window and sighed, the heavy rain hadn't stopped and it was approaching half past two. He looked across the familiar coffee shop for his boyfriend, Dan and back down at his lukewarm coffee. Boyfriend. The word circled round in his head, was Dan his boyfriend or was he just using him? After 20 minutes Phil realised he wasnt coming. He had stood him up again.
He placed the mug back on the table and picked up his bag before heading off into the rain.
Phil liked being alone, it made him feel like he had his own life, it made him feel free when he knew that really, he wasnt free. He never had been. He had always had his father telling him what to do, and now Dan. Phil had never really had his own life.
He put his head down and walked faster as the rain soaked through his jacket, he wasnt sure where to head, back to the flat? He didn't feel like seeing Dan, not after he stood him up. Where else was there go? He had to go home.
He entered the communal hallway of the apartment block and wiped his dripping face with his cold hands and sighed. He pressed the elevator button and the doors opened instantly, he stepped inside and clicked number 5, the doors closed before the lift started up slowly.
Phil stepped into the appartment to see Dan lying on the sofa,
"Why didnt you show up?" Phil asked as he took off his dripping coat.
"I was tired, I knew you wouldn't mind. Anyway, I have big ideas for tonight." Dan smirked.
"I was waiting for nearly 3 hours, you could have at least called." He mumbled "Anyway what do you mean?" Phil questioned, raising one eyebrow.
"You know exactly what I mean you little slut." Dan hissed in a deep, seductive voice.
Without saying anything, Phil placed his soggy clothing in the wash and headed to his room.
He did know exactly what Dan meant and he wasn't sure he liked it. Phil loved Dan but after 3 years he had come to realise Dan only liked him for the sex- the sex was good but that wasnt the point, the point was that Dan was using Phil and Phil had had enough.
Phil sat down on his bed and started to cry. The realisation that Dan didn't like him like he loved him had really hit hard.
"I cant do this anymore." Phil sobbed into his pillow. He sat up in his warm bed and grabbed his diary that he kept in the top draw next to him. He pulled out a pen and started to write. "Dan. By the time you find this it will be too late. I love you so much and thats the problem. Im sorry Dan but im tired of it. You tell me you love me and it means so much to me but its just words to you. I cant do it anymore. You have just been using me and I have come to accept that but I just cant live loving someone who will never love me. You need to find someone you love. Someone who, every time you see them,you get butterflies. Someone who, when you wake up the first thing you want to see is them. Someone who doesnt eat all your cereal!" Tears were rolling down his cheeks as his handwriting turned to scribbles. "I cant make you love me but I cant stop loving you. Thats why I had to do this.
I love you Dan. "
He folded the paper in half and wrote in bold letters on the front "Dan- love Phil x"
He stood up from his comfy bed and placed the note on his green patterned pillow.
"Now what?" He thought to himself. He looked at the time on his phone, 11:50pm. He pulled his old, tatty trainers on and grabbed his coat. He tiptoed into the lounge and across to the front door. As he got there he heard Dan open the door to his room. He had to move fast if he wasnt to get caught. He slammed the door and headed up to the roof. It wasnt too far as their flat was on the 10th floor out of 12.
He got to the stairs as he heard the appartment door slam shut,"PHIL! PHIL!" He heard Dan calling, "Phil please don't do this!" He heard footsteps behind him. He began to move faster.
As he reached the metal door to the roof he was completely out of breath. He opened the door onto the dark, rainy rooftop.
"Phil! Please! Stop!" He heard Dan, teary and gasping for breath behind him.
He continued out onto the roof.
"Please. Dont do this to me!" Dan called.
He kept walking until he reached the edge of the tall building. He looked down over the edge to see the busy streets of london. He could smell the car fumes and hear sirens in the distance. "So this is it." He whispered to himself.
"Phil stop! Please! I can change! I can take you back! Please!" Dan sobbed.
"You can take ME back. You really dont get it do you. I love you Dan. That's why I have to do this."Phil smiled. "I will finally be happy. I love you Dan." He said as he slowly stepped backwards.
Dan jumped forward to catch him but he was too late.
"PHIL!!!" he cried as he dropped to his knees, sobbing as he heard screeming and crying in the streets below. He heard sirens in the distance getting closer. This was it. Phil was gone.
