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Chapter 17 :}

I started crying the moment I turned down the next road. Big, fat, baby tears. I haven't even been with him for that long. I don't know if it's normal to feel this shit, I've never been in a relationship before. Have we fallen out, or have we broken up without actually saying it? I really, really like him and I'm scared that we have broken up... but I'm really pissed. 

I was the one to storm off..but what did he expect? I was hardly going to be fine with being told, in one way or another, that I was an easy fit to his Bell-less situation. 

I'm nothing compared to Bells. We're complete opposites in so many ways, I couldn't feel like more of a shitty replacement if he'd printed it out and given me a framed certificate. 'You're number two'. I walk the entire way home without checking my phone, if he has called me I dont want to talk. I want to crawl into a hole. 

I get back at 10.02, and hope Mum's asleep. She's the person I'd tell this to... but I've never been in this sort of situation. For some reason I don't want her to think badly of him, even if I sort of do right now. 

I shut the door as tentatively as possible behind me. The hall lamp is off, which means she's gone to bed. There's a pink post-it stuck on the base 'text me when you're back'. I make a mental note to text her in about thirty minutes. I don't wanna go upstairs yet incase she wakes up, so I sit on the kitchen love seat, huddled in the fattest blanket I could grab. I want to check my phone already, but I don't wanna cave and reply to anything he's sent...if there is anything. I glance over at 'the rainy day cupboard'. Also known as the 'every spirit and bottle of red my Mum has bought on offer, then realised she didn't like' cupboard. I lunge, eyeing up my options. I don't think I'm quite depressed enough for vodka, 'zesty, italian, red' will do fine. I don't bother with a glass, and return to my huddle. I take a swig, and several more. This is gross. I check my phone. 

10 Notifications

Damien, 3 Missed Calls.

Damien, 6 Messages. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

1 Facebook Notification 

Sure, let's see what Ashton has to say on this. 

How's the sickness?

I'll just be blunt here, the wine gulps are helping a lot. 

All gone, got a WHOLE new reason to chunder up now. I take another few sips. This isn't that bad.

Whats up??

Your gender sucks yano that?? I cant be bothered with this emotional crying crap

He starts typing and then stops

Suddenly my phone started ringing..I frown at the 'unknown number' and hesitantly answer.

"Ello?" I somewhat holler.

"Romy? It's Ashton you're numbers on Facebook chat."

I choke.

"Why are you.."

"What the hell happened. Are you ok?" He's welsh?? I glance at the bottle, I've nearly drank half. I don't drink at all and my brain feels fuzzy. Do I want to tell him? I guess I trust him... and right now I cant talk to Bells about this. 

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes..well no..not physically.." Looks like I'm telling him.

"Fuck... what's he said?" Sounds a bit like Swansea. 

"It's a lil complicated.." I mumble.

"I don't care if I'm on here for 3 hours talking to you, I'll wait till' ya tell me."

"He used to really like my bestfriend, and the way he was talking about her and me is like I'm his quick fix replacement for her liking Low." I wobble on for a bit longer, my heads a bit heavy at this point. I suddenly remember how emotional wine makes people.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come and kill him?" 

"That would...would make me sadder..." My face is wet now.

"Not even one punch?"

"No, please..." Tears are spouting out of me now, am I a quiet crier?

"Why? He can' just say shite like that."

"Because I care about him even it he's had enough of me." I weep. Nope, not quiet at all. 

"Oi, don't cry. Have a good ol' drink. This is shite but I think he's just not thought before speaking..he was angry ya know." I swig again. 

"I'm well within a 'good ol' drink' ta very much. I'm upset Ash, I like him a lot lot. But Bell's is like AMAZE, I feel so two out of ten compared to what he wanted." I'm not used to being this open with my emotions. 

"If I were a girl I'd slap you right now." I drunkenly gasp outloud

"Wheeey?"

"To make you see sense."

"Sense, smense...slap away...hold on I gotta text.." I pull my phone away from my face and try to coherently text Mum. I manage to send hOme x...I think I'll get away with that if I put this bottle in the neighbours recycling. I announce my return to the phone call. 

"I won't slap you,  I'm a guy, guys don't hit girls and besides I'd never be able to hurt you, I like you too much."

I make a gagging noise down the phone.

"You need to STAHP this fuckery sheep shagger." He snorted.

"How much have you drank? And for your information, I prefer cattle." I laugh and drink again hoping it'll stiffle my weird drunken cackle from waking Mum. 

"What part of wales is that, you aren't a true welsh-boy. Wait... I thought you were from here?" My brain was foggily recalling facts from the few conversations we'd had that hadn't angered me. 

"Oh rightt, I did live there you know but like I'm from from Wales. N we moved back." I nod, my head slapping back against the chair. Thats enough wine for me. I close my eyes and start singing the gavin and stacey theme song. He laughs. 

"I'd love to see this in person you know, you're funny." I shake my head fiercly and have to hold my face still. 

"Noope. Can't meet a welsh molester, cattle shaggerrrr." He sighs loudly.

"I'm not a weird old creep, surely you can tell and trust that from this phone call?" I make a multitude of 'nuh uh' noises. I take my drunken state as a chance to ask him properly on something.

"Why are you so invested in my love life if you're a normal ol boy." He's quiet for a while and I groan.

"See, it's odddd." I'm singing my words at this point.

"Maybe I think I can treat you better than a guy that drives you to drunken tears." I don't know why I asked because I can feel my anger rising up...mixed with all the wine is making me more tearful. 

"It's just a fight..." I mumble, have I convinced myself of that? Maybe I should see what he texted me. He starts listing the things he thinks are good about me that 'Damien must have been blind to miss if he opted for Bells over me to begin with'. I ask him to stop but he keeps adding, and it's getting a little weird.

"You'd smell nice. You're cute to hold and look at..." I quickly interupt him.

"You're being creepy, we've never met. I'm not yours to say these things about. I'm only talking to you because we're meant to be friends now but you just can't quit. Leave me alone." I'm crying again, and he can tell. 

"Hey hey hey, no no, sweet don't cry...not because of me.." I hang up, stumble over to the sink and stick my head under the tap. I was aiming for water but miss my mouth so I just let the water run all over my face. Man I'm fuzzy...Mum can't find me asleep with the empty bottle. I stare at my front door, trying to plot how to walk in a straight line. The neighbours bins have lots of bottles it'll be fine I just need to walk. It takes me a solid six minutes to get to the drive way. I eye up the bin and stumble around the car, delicatley clattering my evidence amongst theirs.