What Life Really Is

Day 1 - 12/21/15

Today, there's four days before my thirteenth Christmas. Well, I'm at my moms celebrating that Christmas week, and right now, I'm laying on the couch about to go to sleep, writing this chapter entry. All this is is describing my life. Everybody deals with ups and downs and we all have hard things to accomplish or overcome. And one of my fears is my brother. When we try to play, it turns violent for the worse. The only thing that stands out to me on my body are the bruises and cuts I have from his cold bare hands. Then i feel the knot on my head and the rest of my "battle scars". I have told my father numerous times, but it continues. Today I told my mom, and she just said it would be okay. And in the end, I know it will. Right now, the abusive 17 year old is about 50 feet away from me in another room. He has no clue what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. All I am is a human punching bag for a boy who calls himself grown up. All I feel is that too. But, I know I am much more than that. I have good friends that I can never let down and wil never let me down. I have the title of WMS Spelling Bee Champion. I also am the best me. The best I could ever be throughout the challenges I face with whoever I face them with. And thats all that matters. Maybe I am used. Maybe I am somebody's stress reliever, in a bad way. But isn't that everybody in some form or fashion? Thought so. But no matter what I'll love my brother. I'll love him even thought he hurts me, emotionally and physically. Even though he calls me insecure, but I know I am. Even though he is disrespectful to everyone we are around that guide him for good. And yes, I know we have problems amd that some of it is not okay. However, thats everybody. And someday, it will all go away. Maybe. There's nothingnI can really do exceot pass time and hope for it to all go away. Pray for it too. Find faith and be with the Lord that it will. That it will leave, and I won't have to solve my own problems. That I can just walk away. Then I can let it all out and weap and sob and just cry. That way people will know that I have been strong for too long. Way too long.