I am a simple girl. I smile and laugh a lot. Even when things aren't good, I still manage to smile. All my life I've been doing things just for my family. I study hard because I want to make my parents proud. I never want them to be disappointed with me. I was once one of those girls who doesn't like being distracted by serious relationships. I didn't really understood the true meaning of love. I thought I did but I didn't until this guy came into the picture. I have this guy classmate whom I wasn't really close with. We've been classmates since 6th grade but we don't really talk much until the senior year of highschool. I don't know how and why he suddenly talked to me but when he did, we eventually became close. He was always there for me. After a month, he told me that he likes me. That time, I just wanted to be his friend because I didn't really feel the same way and I do not want to be distracted from my studies and I was still into my guy bestfriend that time. He changed my world. He got me over my bestfriend. He never gave up on me, he did everything he could to make me fall for him. He did a lot of things. His efforts were the best. He even removed my fear of dogs. When I finally fell for him, it was almost summer. He asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to lie to my parents anymore because I'm not allowed to be in a relationship yet, but I did because I was already inlove with him. I guess when you're inlove, you'll do anything for that person. He became the perfect boyfriend. We were inseparable and perfect. We always talk. We sneak dates. We always communicate. We never stopped talking to each other. We were so strong back then. He was my first kiss, my first cuddle, my first everything. When college finally came, that's where it all started. We went to different universities and as time flew, he suddenly changed. He doesn't keep up with our conversations anymore and the way he talks to me suddenly changed. He became a jerk. And he didn't really care anymore. It went on for a month until I finally realized that the person I fell inlove with isn't the same person anymore. I've been crying for almost 2 months and I'm really tired. I'm tired of life and I'm tired of always trying. I witnessed many guys like that from my friends' experiences and from movies. Most guys lose interest when he gets the girl. To be honest, I do not like how some guys treat their girls. I remember him saying that nothing would ever change between us just as long as we communicate. I remember him saying that he would never hurt me. I remember him promising that he will never leave me and that he will always be there for me. I really trusted him but I guess I trusted him too much. I got so attached to him that even though he was taking me for granted, I was still holding on to him. It really hurts when the person who made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today. I miss him so much. I miss the feelings he used to give me. But I guess I need to let him go. I was such a fool thinking that he still cares. But whenever I ask him the question "what happened to us", his answers is always the same.. that he's busy. That's just wrong I mean if you really love a person, you'll make time. He doesn't even bother texting me a goodnight message. He doesn't say I love you anymore. I miss the times when all he wanted to do was to talk to me. All he wanted to see was me. I don't know what went wrong, I know I didn't do anything wrong. I guess college really changes some people. He meets new people, new friends, new girls, and he forgets you. He doesn't even know how hurt I am. Every night I read our old sweet converstations and it depresses me. I always think about how it was back then.. our first kiss, our second until our last kiss. We used to talk for hours and now I'm lucky to talk to him for a few minutes of the day. He used to want to be with me and now he makes it seem like he's always busy. I remember the laughs, jokes, smiles we shared. And I doubt he remembers any of that. I really wish I could hurt him like he hurt me. Break his heart into a million pieces and watch him trying to put it back together because that is what I'm feeling right now. I want him to feel the way I feel. But I can't even hurt him because I care for him, regardless of all the shits he puts me through. He makes me feel so unwanted now. Guys don't tell girls when they don't love them anymore... they make them feel it. They wait for the girl to break up with them.
I can't think about anything other than him. I can't move on. I can't go back. Either way I hurt. If I move on that's accepting that he's changed and that he's just like the others who says the right things but eventually loses interest when he gets you. If I go back realizing that there isn't more to life other than him, that's accepting that i'm not going to find anything better than the painful way he treated me. I was given opportunities to move on, yet I turned them all away cause I really love him. But I guess love isn't enough. So today, I've decided.. After weeks of thinking, I will finally let him go and start a new life. It would be really hard and there will be times that I would cry myself to sleep but that's just life. I hate it but I have to carry on.
