Epilogue: A Tronnor Oneshot

Epilogue

Troye, I don't even know where to start...

Over the tiny little bit of time that you and I have been friends, you've made a massive impact on my being; one you couldn't even begin to understand. I get waves of nostalgia and a montage of memories flashing through my mind when I think about it - some moments that you've probably already forgotten due to their insignificance.

I hate you because I don't think it's fair towards anyone you have and will encounter to only get the opportunity to experience a mere fraction of the person you truly are, of which the rest you choose to hide away. Sometimes I feel like one of those people but most times I'm thankful because, at least, I am one of those people.

I'm going to miss the awkward silences between our conversations because yes, sometimes I do make situations awkward. I'm going to miss trying to figure you out even though by now I've accepted that I never will. You'll forever keep changing - hopefully for the better - and the puzzle that is you will always remain incomplete. I'll miss having to say mean things to you to cover up for the compliments I wish I had the courage to say out loud. I'll miss ignoring you for no apparent reason because sometimes I don't want to be overwhelming.

I hate how you've grown on me and now because you're a silly person, I'll probably end up not seeing you again. I'll miss writing you letters like this because no one else I've met has a box to keep them all in.

Sometimes I really hate you because you make my existence seem so insignificant. I freaking admire how you've accomplished so many things in this life so far and I can only ever hope for the same. I'll miss how stubborn you are [only] because I commend you for it. I wish that I had the ability to stand my ground in all circumstances like you. I envy your knowledge on just about everything!

I hope you find life in the little things that you don't see every time you blink. I hope you get your heart broken once because once is enough; you'll find beauty in being broken. I hope it doesn't hurt too much though, because whenever you talk about being sad or crying, it breaks my heart knowing that there's nothing that I or my friendship can do about it. After that I hope your soft and small heart finds someone worthy enough to give all its love to and I hope that I am there to see it. (Please just invite me to the wedding?)

Thank you for being the imperfect friend. Imperfect because you're flawed just like everyone else. In my bid to become a better person, it was your flaws that taught me how to open my eyes to see worlds that were always in front of me but ceased to exist all the same. Thank you for being great inspiration for my poetry (I've actually stolen some things you've said because sometimes you say cool things. What?). Thank you for being a test dummy/model for my pending career in photography. Thank you for tolerating my inner fangirl.

Thank you for allowing me to beat you at Biology that one time, real self esteem booster! Thank you for welcoming my friendship because, I suppose, that's where it all started - an awkwardly closed off Troye Sivan Mellet.

One last thing, I hate you. I hate you because I sang the lyrics to Blank Space by Taylor Swift incorrectly one time and you corrected me so now I can't even listen to the song without cringing anymore. I also hate you because you taught me that 'hate' can be a synonym for 'love' and you don't even know...

So now you know what I'm thinking whenever you find me looking and smiling at you.

On a completely unrelated note, I feel like I sort of owe you the following page(s) because you may feel like I know a lot about you and you barely know my... anything for that matter.

I'm not really good at talking about myself because I generally create a scene where someone else speaks and I listen and if I were to start talking about myself, the other person would just lose interest in whatever I'm saying cause they didn't sign up for that like you didn't sign up to read this. Oops!