The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction 3 Transcript

Part 5: Kab-Louis!

CAST (in order of appearance)

Harry
Lady Gaga
Henry
Zayn
Liam
Louis
Niall

SOMEWHERE IN THE FOREST

Harry:
Woah! Thank you for saving me, Lady Gaga!

Lady Gaga:
Don't mention it.

Harry:
Hey! I'll mention it if I want!

Lady Gaga:
Hm, and that's why I like you, Harry. You march to the beat of a different drummer.

Harry:
I wouldn't say he's different. He's just special.

Lady Gaga:
I've been watching your progress, Harry. One Direction's arrival here at the North Pole is a godsend.

Harry:
Oh, no, it wasn't God who sent us. It was Psymon Cowell. But, I mean, I see how you'd mix him up.

Lady Gaga:
You have traveled far, young Harry, and must be wary from your journey. Come with me to my palace and recover.

Harry:
Okay.

CUT TO SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE FOREST

Henry:
Okay. First, let's find where your friend and I ran into that abominable snowman, and then hopefully we can follow his footprints from there.

Zayn:
Thanks for helping us look for Harry, Henry.

Liam:
Yeah, Henry. You're the shiz dot diz.

Louis:
*sigh* Fooey.

Henry:
Hey, helping you find your friend's the least I could do. I'm the one who helped get him into this mess. I just hope we don't get stuck out here. It's dangerous being this far out without provisions.

Louis:
We'll be okay. Worst case scenario, we can nourish ourselves on the cookies we brought for Santa. You still have those cookies, right, Niall?

Niall:
Mmhmm.

Louis:
I mean, I know it's not much, but it's better than... Niall?

Niall:
Mm?

Louis:
You still have those cookies, right?

Niall:
Mmhmm.

Louis:
And just where exactly are they?

Niall:
...Hm?

Louis:
Where are they?

Niall:
*muffled* Oh! They're in my mouth.

Louis:
What?

Niall:
*muffled* In my mouth!

Louis:
No, really, what? I can't understand what you're saying.

Niall:
*muffled* READ. MY. SUBTITLES. They're in my mouth.

Louis:
You ate them?

Niall:
Mmhmm.

Louis:
All of them?

Niall:
Mmhmm.

Louis:
Those were for Santa, you f-

Henry:
You don't need to be giving Santa cookies, anyway. You and your Christmas.

Louis:
Hey! It's not my Christmas!

Henry:
Yeah, well, you're buying into it, with your cookies, and-

Louis:
Well-

Henry:
-and trying to save Christmas.

Louis:
Well, listen, Henry. I'm not always super keen on Christmas, either. But... even so, I can't give up on Christmas.

Niall:
*coughs*

Zayn:
You all right, Niall?

Niall:
*muffled* Milk!

Zayn:
What?

Niall:
*muffled* Milk!

Zayn:
What?

Niall:
*muffled* MILK!

Zayn:
Oh.

Louis:
What'd he say?

Zayn:
MIIILL!

Niall:
*muffled* These cookies are so dry, it's like.. a sand storm in my mouth.

Louis:
Well, it's your fault for eating them all!

Niall:
*muffled* Well, it's your fault they're shortbread!

Henry:
Excuse me, would you care for something to drink?

Niall:
Hm?

Henry:
To help wash it down? I got some milk here.

Niall:
*muffled* Yes! YESyesyesyesyesyes! Thank you!

Henry:
Not a problem. Hope you don't mind, it's goat milk. Or, I guess, half-goat, half-man milk.

Niall:
*muffled* Mmmmmmmmmmmm no thanks.

Louis:
All right, lads, let's keep moving. We really ought to find Harry before... Now wait a minute. Where's Liam?

Zayn:
Yeah, where is Liam?

Niall:
*muffled* I don't know.

Zayn:
Liam!

Louis:
What, did he just walk off without saying anything?

Zayn:
He must have wandered off by accident.

Louis:
By accident? How does that happen?

Zayn:
If he wasn't looking where he was going? He was pretty caught up in that rhyming dictionary.

Louis:
What?! What was he looking up rhymes for?

Zayn:
Dot org, I think.

Louis:
Oh, for f- So Harry's gone, Liam's gone, the cookies are gone..

Niall:
*muffled* Well, not GONE gone.

Louis:
And nobody's going to remember my birthday because it falls on bleeding Christmas Eve. And now I'm the one who has to fix everything and save Christmas?? I just can't take it anymore!

Zayn:
You all right, Louis?

Louis:
I know I can't give up on Christmas now, but, I swear...

Zayn:
Louis?

Louis:
If one more thing goes wrong-

Zayn:
Louis.

Louis:
Just one more thing... *long exhale*

Niall:
*farts*

Louis:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH I.. give up.

Zayn:
What?

Louis:
I'm giving up on Christmaaaaaas!