Arie sat next to me with a smirk on his face, staring straight into the doctor's eyes, stifling a laugh. It was obvious that he was amused with the reaction he was getting, satisfied even. "Elizabeth," the doctor said, attempting to get my attention, and all of a sudden, I realized that the event was merely in my own mind. "I can make it happen," Arie said. I blinked once, as if to say yes, just like people do when they have to answer questions but they can't speak. I needed this, I needed the doctor to see that I wasn't crazy, and so it did, in the same way that it had played out in my head. All I could do was look at the doctor, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights, unsure of what to say or how to respond. As hard as I tried to repress it, a smile appeared on my lips, because it was real, and I wasn't crazy.
Soon, I was sitting in my room again, though I wasn't quite sure how I had gotten there. Everything had become a blur since I walked out of that office with a sense of relief, because now there wasn't a way for anyone to tell me that it was all it my head. After that, Arie had disappeared again, only visible to me, and he kept laughing, as if it was some form of a practical joke. Somehow I began laughing to, it was funny to me, even though I wasn't sure where things would go from here, but it was just so funny. The nurse led me into the visiting area later that day, where my mother and Hayden sat waiting for me. I thought that I would be relieved to see them there, I really did, but it turned out to be the exact opposite, I didn't know how I felt about it. The same sad smile and sympathetic eyes, from both of them, and I didn't want pity from them, or from anyone for that matter. I sat down in the chair across from them, staring down at the table because I didn't want to look at them, I couldn't handle seeing that they felt sorry for me. "How are you?" Hayden asked softly, trying to break the silence between us. "Fine I guess," it's all I could think of to say, I didn't know the answer. It seemed like that had been happening a lot in the past day or two.
My mother reached across the table to take my hand in hers, and for a moment, I let her, but then I pulled away. I could see the pained expression that flashed across her face, guilt boiled over inside me, it physically hurt, but I wasn't ready to forgive her just yet. I tried not to be angry with her for putting me here, I knew that this was going to help me, I knew that she only wanted what was best for me, and yet, I still couldn't help but be angry. I contained the emotion, I tried to conceal it from her, because I didn't want to hurt either of the people I loved so much, but I was hurting too, and I couldn't just ignore that anymore. It stayed silent, none of us knew what we were supposed to say or do. The air felt thick and heavy, like it was filling my lungs with fluid, like I couldn't breathe, but with Arie's arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders and the sound of him humming some melody, my feet stayed on the ground. I tried to think of something to say to reassure them, anything, and I couldn't find anything that would provide any sense of comfort, the only thing I thought of was that I loved them, so that's what I did. I told them I loved them, and the smiles that appeared on their faces told me that they weren't upset with how I was acting, despite everything, there was a sense of understanding. They knew that I would come around, that I needed time to think for myself, that I would be comfortable around them again, even if it wasn't now, I knew that it was okay for me to feel the way I did. I still hugged them goodbye before they left, I still told them I loved them again, and I found myself smiling when they said it back.
I went back to my room and laid across my bed, with Arie lying next to me, and my own words came back to my mind. I think about how the world works, about how people interact, about how they try to destroy each other sometimes. Human beings are strange, we contradict our own nature. But somehow, in spite of that, the world is beautiful, it wasn't as ugly as I used to think it was. There's beauty among everything, buried under the disaster and rubble, under the ruins, there's the undeniable fact that there's something remarkable about it. In the ways that we inevitably crash into one another, we are capable of creating things, just as we are capable of destroying them. We are capable of love and hate, of everything in between, and yet, somehow, in the overall scheme of things, we're connected to one another. It's just so strange to think about, to realize that even good people are capable of horrible things, and I guess that realization changes everything in a way.
