A/N: Expect to read some grammatical errors. I'm not that good in english. Thanks! :)
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Dear diary,
Today, he broke up with me. I refused, but he didn't listen to me. He wanted to be free, while I wanted to be with him. I cried. Non-stop. He just stared at me while I'm begging for him to stay. I was desperate that I kneeled in front of him. I didn't even think of my pride. What I wanted was him. Only him. But he walked out of the room. He left me..for good.
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Dear diary,
I saw him with his friends. I walked as fast as I could to avoid him, but his friends called me. I smiled at them, but I think it looked so fake. He ignored me, that's why his friends asked him what's wrong. It seems like they have no idea about our break-up. Which I think is a good thing. Maybe.. just maybe, I still have a chance.
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Dear diary,
I talked with my friends, today. I told them about our break-up. I cried silently. I tried not to cause any sound but a sob escape from my mouth which caught his attention. I knew that he's watching me from a far. I expected him to comfort me, but he didn't. He just looked at me with sadness in his eyes. That made me cry even more.
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Dear diary,
Know what? Other students are calling me pathetic because I tried to talk to him. I almost beg at him, thankfully, one of my friends stopped me from my foolishness. She told me not to beg and just wait for him after class. So I did. I waited for him at the school gates. That was one bad move. I was flabbergasted. I saw him with a girl in the other class. She's clinging in his arms. They talked happily until they saw me. They were both shocked, so am I. I was nailed in the ground and can't come up with a word. Again, for the record, I cried because of him.
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Dear diary,
Have you ever felt so hopeless? Because that is what I'm feeling right now. The word suicide crossed my mind few times this day.
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Dear diary,
Do I need a reason to live? Because if the answer is yes, then I should have killed myself. No one give a damn. I felt so unloved. I want to disappear right here, right now.
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Dear diary,
I'm actually thinking of having a suicide. But surely not now. I need to accomplished one last thing before leaving this cruel world. Am I going to be missed if I leave now? What do you think?
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Dear diary,
My friends talked to me this day. They throwing me questions I couldn't answer. I was preoccupied that time. I just nodded on whatever they said. The thing is, they set me with some dude from the other class. He's cute and nice, but not my type. Well, I just hoped my ex found out about that and got jealous. Even just a bit.
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Dear diary,
Today, I went to his place. His parents were not around, so I got the chance to meet him privately. He was shocked when he opened their gates, but he let me in. The moment I stepped inside their house, I grabbed his collar and kissed him fully in the lips. That was my first time to initiate a kiss. He was shocked, again. He pushed me hard, and I felt rejected. That was my last chance.
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Dear diary,
This will be my last entry. I'm not going to write here anymore. Because starting tomorrow, I'm gone. Please extend my apologies to my parents, I love them but I can't stand being here anymore. I want to be at peace. And to my friends, let them know how much I love them. They're like a family to me. I love them all. Please don't be sorry for what I'm planning to do. This is my last resort, my last option. And I decided to end this unfortunate life of mine. This is a sin, I know. But I really wanted to end my sufferings. Don't blame anyone, because it's my choice. Please, don't.
P.S. I still love him.
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I cried after I reread her diary. It's my fault. I was the one to blame.
If only, I stayed by her side. If only, I didn't pushed her away... She'll not end up like this.
I held her hand and prayed silently.
Lord, please let her stay. Don't let her die. I need to tell her something. I need to tell her how much I love her. That she's the only girl I want to be with. That I wanted to see her genuine smiles. That I wanted to comfort her whenever she's feeling down. That the girl clinging on my arm that day is one of my cousins. That I felt jealous whenever a guy talked and held her hand. That I missed him everyday. That I wanted to hug her very tight. That I wanted to kiss her passionately. That I wanted to be his groom in her wedding day. That I wanted to be the father of her children. That all I wanted was her. Always her.
And that damn break-up was not my idea. It was her parents. They never liked me for their daughter. And they threatened me that if I'll not break-up with her, I'll not see her anymore. And not seeing her, scares the hell out of me. The thought is killing me.
Seeing her like this, unconsciously lying on a hospital bed.. I felt so useless. I felt like dying. If only I can bring back time...
