Hetero

Some people say that you are born the way that you are. Others claim that it is all reliant on how you were raised. The problem with that is my dads were the most amazing and normal people you could ever dream of. Every Saturday night, we would go to my aunts' house to have dinner. My older brother would hang out with my cousins, but I didn't feel like I belonged there. They would only talk about boys. For some reason, I just didn't agree with how they think that boys are hot.

Once, when I was 8, I saw a house being spray-painted by some teens from my neighborhood. I asked my dad about it, and he just brushed it off; saying that it wasn't something that I needed to know about yet. I can still remember the word that was quickly sprayed on my neighbor's garage door: HETERO. I had never heard of that word before. Being too young to understand, I just went back to my happy little life in my happy little world. But that one word would consume me as I grew older.

At 16, I got my first job as a cashier at a small local thrift shop. There was this amazingly beautiful girl there. She had short blue hair that was always put up into a black and grey beanie. She worked in the back room, so sometimes I would "forget" to bring something out just so that I could go and see her. It was at this point where I realized that I'm not like everyone else. I can't help but look back and think that maybe, if I ignored how that wonderful girl made me feel, I might have turned out just fine.

"What do you want to play now?" Lila asks.

"Why don't we play house? Liam and I will be the dads and you girls be our kids," Jake says

"That's not fair!" Maggie shouts. "Why do you get to tell us what to do?"

"Because that's what dads do!" Jake yells back.

"Why can't we be the moms and you listen to us?" retorts Lila.

"I have an idea!" I announce. "How about Maggie and I be the mom and dad?"

Everyone stares at me with disgust.

"That's really disgusting. What are you, some kind of hetero?" Jake laughs.

"No I'm not." I say quietly.

"Are too" Maggie snorts.

"Am not!" I yell.

"Are too! Let's go guys. We don't hang out with straights." Lila says as she gets up. I watch as the rest of them follow.

"Sir?" I heard someone clear their throat. "Um, excuse me? Hello? Are you okay?" I looked up to see a shopper standing right in front of the register.

"Oh, I apologize." I stumbled over my words as I rip myself away from the memory. "Is it cash or card?"

After finishing with the customer, I told a coworker that I was going on a quick break. Nearly running at full speed, I went around to the back of the building. Sliding down the wall, I put my head on my knees and squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to block out that horrid memory.

"Hey, dude, are you okay? You look like you're about to, like, fucking pass out or something," A small voice asked. I looked up to see the brightly-haired girl standing in front of me, cigarette in her hand. 

"Uh, yeah. I'll be okay, just started feeling kind of nauseous." I watched as she took a few steps back. Shit. Did I honestly just say that to her? The first time I talk to her about something that isn't work-related and that's what happened? Fuck.

"Just don't puke on me, man. I just washed these shoes," She laughed and took another drag of her cigarette. "Oh shit, where are my manners?" She offered me a drag and I gladly took it. As I exhaled, I watched the smoke and imagined it as my nerves, floating away in the winter breeze.