Don't Go (BoyxBoy)

Evan on the side. 

Song; ''Don't Go'' bye my fav band Bring Me The Horizon on the side. 

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*Evan's POV*

Have you ever felt.....I don't know......weird? Like, something bad is going to happen? That's all I can feel right now as I sit at my desk in school, starng blankly at nothing, trying to tune out everyone's words. It's not like they where saying anything to me, no one talked to me a lot. That's just how it is. It's like....you can't be seen by anyone. It hurts, It numbs you. But you have to life through it, because that's life. And life hurts you. You have to struggle, and go through tough times, and that's what I'm doing right now. 

Going through a tough time. It isn't really good at home. My mom is never there, and when she is, she's drinking and has a man over so I have to lock myself in my room. And when I wake up, she's passed out on the couch, naked and I have to cover her with a blanket. It totally sucks because then I leave for school, and come back, and she isn't there. 

My brother and her had a a huge fight about a year ago, him screaming at her about not raising any of her kids correctly. She had my brother first, then my sister, then me, then my other brother who got shot at school. Yeah. Kids in middle school these days are very.....grown up. Me, well I'm a Junior in High School, and I can't even talk to my own mother without feeling something inside me break. 

So, my brother moved out last year, and said he was sorry he couldn't bring me with him and his girlfriend. I didn't really mind, I mean, I still had my sister. And my little brother, but he ended up dying.......It fazed my sister a lot, because her best friend commited suicide, so she got sent to a mental hospital for breaking and cutting her whole intire arm and left thigh up. 

It scared me because then I was the only one left alone with my mom. But surprisingly, she was....a good mom, I guess. She had a good job, and I knew she loved me...she just never said it. My mom had a good boyfriend once....until he took a shot at me, and my mom beat the crap out of him and threw him out. She's always talking (when I actually see her) about thinking of putting me up for adoption, because she doesn't want my life to turn out like hers. 

It hurts that she would even think about it, let alone say it to my face. She's my mother and she has every right to take care of me. I don't care that she fucks a million guys, I don't care that we live in a ratty apartment, I don't care if she even wants to put me up for adoption. She's my mother and I love her. I know she loves me too......just never says it, like I said before I think. 

She was sober for a year before our father left us alone. Even then, she didn't really talk to me. I know she's been hurt a lot in her life, but that doesn't mean we couldn't help her. My father left because he found out I wasn't his child. She didn't look at me for 3 months after that. Never talked, just argued with my older sister. 

My older sister was broken too. Her boyfriend raped her, her best friend commited suicide, her father walked out on her, and now she's in a special home because she's 'crazy'. I miss her. The funny thing is, everyone showed they where broken but me. I was the little guy that tried to up-lift everyone's spirts by giving a huge smile and joking around. But they always pushed me away. 

And it hurt. My brother and sister just didn't want a joke. Even the little one didn't want a joke. And he should've been the one doing what I was doing because he was 10. I guess the world has changed. 

Now, I just give up on trying anything. I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, hurting inside and crying myself to sleep when I know whoever is with my mom and her are asleep. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I should do something about it, but what can I do? It's not like I have anyone. 

And I can't let anyone in, because then they would have to deal with my bullshit. 

That's how my world works.

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Hope you guys liked it. 

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Just the intro, sorry it's short. 

bye-bye