Life of a Teenager Girl

All I wanted to do was fly (not apart of main story)

Just a short rant sorry next part will be the beginning of the story. 

As I lay here trying to get my mind off of all the pain that is running through my veins. I can here the screams of ma just trying to get you to listen to her she was fucked up but what she was saying was the truth all she had to say is for you too look in the mirror look what have done to this family. You wake up Sunday mornings and go praise this thing you call your "savior," your "holy one," if you are so close to the "big man upstairs," he wouldn't want you to be hurting your family physically mentally spiritually any of it. When most people are young they remember there parents hugging family trips or even just hanging out with family at home. All I remember is running from house to house friend to friend trying to find where I belong. I clearly don't belong here. All I want to do is fly find that one person that cares and is there to help me up not tear me down. I have been hurt to much to be tore down anymore. I remember crying in a ball in my closet because November 25, 2014 I tried taking my life and you found out I wasn't scared of dying I was scared of what you where going to do. I remember the day Vennessa died I came home from school crying I told you you started screaming at me telling me it was dumb of her it's stupid for her to kill herself but I sat their thinking is this what you thought of when I was in the hospital. I skipped school to go to her funeral later that day in the car you said to me " If anyone I knew killed themselves I would not even go to their funeral not even family" at that exact moment I died inside I am your daughter would you go to mine if I didn't make it out of there. Several months later you found out I was with a guy who I later figured out didn't love me he said it to get with me and then left quickly as possible still to this day I am upset about it I'm sorry I am I know you hate me I fuck up at everything I do.. When I finally think Someone is going to stay and be here they don't. You said " If a guy doesn't have a dad he will always be a boy" YOU DIDNT HAVE A DAD LOOK AT YOU YOU SAY YOU ARE A MAN EVERYDAY.. There is a guy who I honestly like and we will never date because I know he never would want to but look I tried I honestly don't care if someone has both parents I have a dad and that's it I have never had a mom I don't even no who my birth mother is. I write non stop all the time when my pen hits paper it just keeps flowing out this is just a little be of stupidity that's in my head that's stuck on repeat like a cd with a scuff in it. I like him I really do he is great. Whoever he ends up with is lucky....