Being At Your Worst May Also Be You At Your Best...

"Please. Don't do it. You're better than this." She heard this from just about everyone she associated with. Lets start from the beginning. This girl, lots of friends, social butterfly, always had a smile on her face, always did her best to show people she cared. She always knew how to make someone laugh or cheer them up. New kids started to come to her school and all ofa sudden she stareed getting bullied. "kill yourself", "slut", "ugly", "anorexic" the list goes on. She acted like it didn't bother her, until she was alone it broke her apart. She knew she was adopted but she knew that it was for the better, she wouldn't be in foster homes right? Yeah, everyone assumed thay was better. Sometimes she wishes she was so she didn't have to go to that school and deal with all the kids. This was her seventh grade year so she was new to the middle school highschool side. She was so intimidated by everyone. Most of the Highschoolers joined in on the name calling, and instigating. One night she went home and locked herself in the bathroom, turned on the water to the shower so everyone thought she was showering... She started to tear up loosening the screws on her eyeliner sharpener and cleaned them off. Then looked at her perfectly clean untouched wrists and ran the blade across her wrist and watched the blood spill out of her skin like paint on a canvas... dripping like rain falling off her wrist onto the floor. One, two, three, four, then four went upto nine and nine went to eleven and she lost count. Tears ran down her face stealing the mascara from her eyelashes makin her tears black running down her face hitting the floor, her shirt and everything below her. she could barely see her wrists covered in the blood and cuts. She cleaned up the bathroom and jumped in the shower and cleaned of her wrist and the blades and finished up and dried off and held that towel on her wrist still crying telling herself this isn't going to happen again. She put on her bracelets in pain beaded bracelets string bracelets and so on, just to cover up her wrist.She went to school and put on a smile, same makeup, normal day. except now she has to wear a jacket, bracelets, and stuff to cover the cuts. No body knew, she hid it. She went home and sat in her room taking off the bracelets. It was a good day for her no names, no fights, but she still cut. Drugs weren't her addiction... cutting was. this went on through the end of 8th grade and some of that summer, two and a half years of blades blood tears and suicidal thoughts, but one day she heard a song...by Sleeping With Sirens and realized that there is more to life than what she thinks. She started to cut her bracelets off and put the blades back on the sharpener and wore her cuts proudly. Yes she was ashamed of ruining her wrists and trying to kill herself, but she never once said she regretted it. people started asking about them and she told. Rumors were spread and name calling got worse. She laughed it off, because she put her earbuds in and blared, Suicide Silence, Miss May I, You Me at Six, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Of Mice & Men, Memphis May Fire, and so much more because when they would yell at her in the halls she heard inspiration, not hatred. She smiled at them and showed them she doesn't care anymore. She was numb to their words and her emotions.

Scabs turned to scars and scars are starting to fade. She went through withdraws of not being able to cut her skin. She would go into this state of mind that she couldn't do it, it will never work. Then she met a boy and he has helped her through it all he lives far away but sometimes people miles away are better than people right next to you. They talk on the phome everyday and if she is having a bad day they talk about it. no matter how long it takes. She calls when she gets withdraws and she won't tell him that she is having withdraws but talking to him they go away. She is going to be okay.

Now that you have read this... all those "shes" were about me. I was "that girl". I have been cut free since December 2, 2013.

Put down your cutting utensil, you are stronger than this, I believe in the fact that you can make it through what you are going through. I was there with one person for support who didn't even live here, in my state. Find a person who you trust and vent. Tell them how you feel trust me it helps, or grab your music and make sure it's meaningful. That helps ten times more.

"Darling you will be okay."♥ ~Pierce The Veil

"Wrists are for bracelets not cutting." ~Kellin Quinn (Sleeping With Sirens)

"Stay Strong it will get worse before it gets better." ~Me

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