You're the meaning to my life

Three

recap:
"I glanced at the clock and back at my notebook before leaving Harry's messy handwriting resting on the horizontal line untouched."

-December 31st-

11:36 PM

What is Life? What is the point of life?
Evolution??
Reproduction??
Happiness??
Religion??
Love?

I believe life is not any of those things. We do not live for evolution or reproduction or happiness or religion or even love. We live to be alive. Life's purpose is for us to be alive and as obvious as that sounds that is the meaning of life. This does not mean to breathe and eat and sleep. Not for me anyways. Being alive is the core meaning of life and being alive can then mean a million of a thousand of different things. It is up to you to decide what makes you  alive. Whether that's breathing in fresh air because that makes you feel alive, or seeing a beautiful sight because that makes you feel alive, or being loved because that makes you feel alive, or getting in trouble and making mischief because that makes you feel alive, or laughing, or being around flowers, or being happy, or smiling, or being with someone special, or eating a good dish, or dancing, or singing-just living and being alive. To me being alive means moments. Having moments and experiencing moments and remembering moments and sharing moments. I am writing on my balcony looking out at the city lights and the festive people in the cool air of December 31st 11.36 pm and to me this is a moment. This is me feeling alive. This is what I am here for. For moments and moments to fill a lifetime. I feel like I am a part of life because I am living life and I am alive. Find what makes you feel this way. Find what makes you feel alive and you'll see that that is the meaning of your life.

As my pen left the paper I grinned like an idiot. I laughed and squeezed my eyes shut and even danced around like a maniac. "I did it!" I squealed in joy. "I did it!" I yelled even louder. "I did it!" I yelled to the lights and busy streets. "I finally did it!" I laughed. Maybe it wasn't the best I had ever written nor was it something that would please a lot of people maybe, but it pleased me. It made me happy and it was worthy enough for me because I had done it.  After all of my interrupted years and unfinished papers and theories I had written a completed piece in the time limit I had with words that came from my chest to to paper, and I was proud of that. 

 A sudden buzz startled me as my phone began to ring. "Hello?"

"Where are you?"
"Jen?"
"Yes Jen, where the hell are you?"

I instantly broke free of my excitement as I checked the time. 11.36. Shit.
"Sorry Jen I'm on my way I'm just applying the last coat of mascara and I'm out I promise" 

"you're wearing mascara?!" I heard Jen squeal from the other side of the phone. She always loves when I act like a 'girl' and get all dressed up like her.

"Yes I'm wearing mascara" I lied. 

"Great! Take all the time you need then. Oh my god this is gonna be so much fun!" 

"Yeah!" I attempted to excitedly answer back. "Okay I'll talk to you later. Tom is on the dance floor." She laughed before I hung up.

I instantly rushed to the shower grabbing random things along the way. I had hairspray, lipgloss, about five dresses and some flats. In under 30 minutes I managed to look half representable as I headed out the door grabbing mascara on the way and applying it in the elevator mirror.

I glanced at the elevator mirror as the small space was silent and just looked at myself. My natural wavy hair fell just past my shoulders, my body fitted in a tight dress with a gold shimmery line down the side and my bare legs covered in thick tights. I heard the elevator ding and the doors open as I stepped out and wrapped my fur jacket around me tighter.

Making my way out into the cool air and under the bright lights I began to think. I walked past all the 'Happy New Year' signs and banners colorfully placed on each store window and I listened to the hollers and laughter that erupted from each home and party. I smiled at the fireworks beginning to burst and explode and I watched the pretty colors dazzle in the dark sky. It was a truly special night.

I reached the bar where Jen would be dancing away waiting to drag me on the dance floor and regretfully entered. I caught Jen's shimmery green dress amongst the extremely crowded bar as she laughed and sung along to the music. I decided to order a drink first. "One orange cocktail with fruit please" I smiled at the old waiter behind the bar. "Sure thing Doll" he spoke as he went to reach for a glass.

I looked at the time. 11.42pm. I looked around and thought of how everyone here was spending their 11.42pm differently. Like there was that blonde girl on the far end of the dance floor that looks really happy to be dancing alone, and there's that teenage waiter who looks really sad to be picking up everyone's drinks and cocktails on a tray and then there's that one couple that looks too intoxicated to feel anything at all. Then there was me and I was spending my 11.42pm on a bar stool that spun, listening to a song I didn't know and waiting to drink a drink I've never tried before. I wonder how Harry was spending his 11.42pm.

It was a strange thought but I wanted to know. Was that goofy boy still grinning in the streets and bumping into people or was he somewhere special tonight? I bet he was. A few drinks and lemon wedges later I heard the door to the bar ding as I turned to see that same goofy boy proving me wrong.