Queen Of The Hood 2

im dieing

I feel like I'm deep underwater but im still breathing. I can't feel my heart beat but its there underneath all the pain and fatigue.

I looked into the mirror while fixing my collar. I had on a all black collar dress which stop below the knee and black wedges.
*sighs* its okay nae he's in ya heart.

" mommy I'm ready and you look pretty"

" you look very handsome let's go" I said while fixing his bow tie.

"Where's rahrah?"

"She's with her father" I sat while closing the door as he got into the car.

"Where's my father can we go see him!?" He says happily

I got a little emotional seeing how happy he was.

"Look honey how do feel about changing your name??"

" oo can it be superman or batman" he said happy at the idea.

" *laughs* no way Man you are already my superman and batman but I was thinking about Isaiah Fisher Jr.?"

"I guess what!! I get to be named after daddy??"

"Yeah if you want!"

" okay yes I like it mommy when are we gonna get it changed?? Oo can I tell daddy?"

I got emotional again

"Of course not Now tho"

"Okay mommy"

There's apart of me that wish he knew Isaiah better and longer then theres apart of that doesn't because it would just hurt his little heart. His first heart break I hope it doesn't.
Its a few days later and the day couldn't be any worst and more memorable its Christmas. We are driving to this horrible day to his funeral sad ass shit.

About 1 hour 1/2 later

"Okay big boy go ahead"

"Rahrah!!!"

"Nic!!"

The sight of them hugging mad me smile In The inside sadly it didn't show in the outside.

"How you holding up??" Damian asked

"I'm breathing" I say as I walked off.

There's something deep inside of me right now that's telling me some things wrong. That something bad is gonna happened. I push the thoughts to the back of head. As I continued to walked towards the casket that was all sit to go 6ft under. His casket was open. As I walked closer and closer something kept pulling me back "saying don't don't look you will break".
I swallowed the thought and keeping walking towards him into I saw Jeremy.

"Hi"
"*crying* I can't I gotta go"

He was in pieces his Lil brother was nice gone.

"I think god that Nic wasnt mines he's the only thing that I have of my brother" he said breaking down.

He walked into k'cie arms and held Kj and his arms.

"Kiss your uncle baby girl" he told KJ.

Her little eyes was with hurt.

I heard the music start which I knew it was the last time I will see his face.

Boyz 11 Men : Its So hard to say goodbye

It such a sad song why was it playing. I couldn't but to remember his words "bitch don't cry on my grave".
The words now hurt me and brought to my attention that I wasn't crying but I'm hurting I'm during in the inside I can't cry.