Feelings exposed

Someone new

The weight on my shoulders had me out of control

My hands are so cold they shake

Shake from fear and mistakes as my mind awakens from the time I had missed

being in the thoughts that froze in my place on how real the world will be when you notice 

every breath you take, step you take, time you wake will mean something different every other day

how you decide to bend and break with every waking bone standing on the sheet of ice I carefully choose between life and fate

 If I step forward I could break or stay and resuscitate between who I was

 or to fall and choose who I can be

Someone new

I can feel again after being in that waste, to gain all the strength that feels so out of place

I let go and found a better taste, much less bitter than the look on your face when you told me 

I was too messed up for you to stay and you left, left me like the raindrops drop from the sky

in a gloomy foggy rise, raging the wind on but not so fast that I feel like I can fly because the ground

is pulling me down in a blink of an eye, trying to keep the sunshine passing the storm so I can't locate where my mind will stay

will it always be this way?

Will it always have that gross unfit feeling in my aching heart 

Will it always make me want to tear apart the inside of this upsetting disgrace in the core of my stomach

That I do not control how much I feel like vomiting all over the floor not knowing where my place might be anymore

How would I reconstruct what you had done, when you carefully built a wall of glass up that when you told me I wasn't good enough

I shattered.

I shattered as if you physically hit me with the dead silence of gravity pulling me into a vortex of pain

As I continue to wonder, how many days, hours or even seconds did it take you to simply forget who I was or to  find someone new? 

It took me over one year and six months to crawl out of the dirt you covered me up in and the day he walked me home 

is when I knew I didn't need you

I never needed you, I was nothing to you from the start and now I will be someones everything

Someone will feel for me more than I ever felt for you

I'm sorry I was never good enough for you but it doesn't matter now

Because I'm not sorry for what happened, If I was never covered in dirt he would've never discovered

That I am now someone new, that won't feel anything for you because now you aren't even worth the ache in my heart

My heart beats differently and I can see the sun now maybe what you did to me was fun to you

but I wanted to say thank you for causing all the pain that broke me down and made me 

think and regain strength to find who I want to be and how my mind feels a different way and 

desire for a different taste, someone who isn't you

Someone new

Thank you