Would They Care If I Was Gone? A Jahvie fanfic ((BoyxBoy))

Chp. 14: We all fall down, but we'll pick you up! (Part one)

I'm so sorry that I took so long to get this uploaded. I have summer vacation, but my parents insist that we should spend "quality family time" together, so they chose to shut down our wifi from 12AM to 7PM... Yay -.-' But I promise that I'll upload next chapter soon. Like within this weekend. Thanks to every one of those who still reads and follows my story <3

Enjoy, my little coonies ^-^

((Please do not skip the note above... But here we go!))

Dahvie’s POV:

Last night is a blur in my memory. We definitely drank till we got retarded. Which in my case wasn’t very much, but I think Jayy and Jeff got quite a lot more than me.

I open my eyes a bit confused. I’m not in the bed Jayy and I share. I look around and come to the conclusion that I’m in our bathroom. I chuckle and try to get up from the floor, wincing from a sharp pain, I quickly sit down on the toilet. Pain is shooting through every possible corner of my head. Damn, hangovers really suck. I sit for a few minutes before trying to stand up again. Going straight to the sink I drink enough water to fill a bathtub, or so it feels. It only helps a bit. I walk across the bathroom to go to the kitchen to search for something to dull the pain.

As I enter our bedroom, a million thoughts and emotions pops up in my head, making me even dizzier than I already am. There, on the floor before my eyes, lies Jeffree and Jayy. Naked. Next to each other. They’re still asleep and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Damnit Dahvie, why did you even believe you could be with him? The voice inside my head laughs and silences. I give in and agree with the taunting voice. Jayy is too perfect for me anyways.

The tears start to spill from my eyes as I mentally say goodbye. First drop hits the floor, I take a deep breath. Second drop hits, I sigh and swallow my screams. Third drop crashes to the floor, as I run out of the room. A thousand tears streams down my face now and I grab my phone from my bag. Pulling off my cover I put a few razors on the back of my phone before putting the cover back on. I cross the living room and see Steph come out of her room. She walks in my direction with a worried look on her face. I run to the front door and out. I gotta get away as fast as possible.

I exit the house and realize that I have nowhere to go. Home isn’t exactly a safeplace for me. In every other situation I would have gone to either Jayy’s or Jeff’s house, but that wouldn’t exactly help right now. Letting my legs decide where to, I walk in the direction of the forest not too far from our homes. The forest is filled with beautiful views of the nature. The big old trees somehow manage to shut out any sounds from outside. I stop in my tracks and close my eyes, fascinated by the fresh smell, the relaxing sounds of the wind and a few birds. I breathe in and out and feel the peace fill my mind. Yet the sadness and the feeling of being betrayed still linger in my mind.

I open my eyes again and walk slowly through the forest. God I love this forest, it’s so beautiful. After a few minutes I arrive at a glade in the middle of the forest. Lying down on the ground I stare up through the crowns of the trees.

How are you going to avoid him at school? My thoughts start going dark places and I bite my lip. You have almost all classes together. And that Jeff guy is also in those classes. The voice inside my head starts taunting me yet again. I close my eyes and clench my fists, trying to shut out the voice. But as I do so, I see a picture in my head. A picture that I didn’t ever want to see again. My eyes are like glued together and I can’t open them. A tear slides down my chin as I’m trapped, forced to look at the same picture. No matter what I try, I can’t get it away nor open my eyes. Inside my head I see Jayy and Jeff, naked on the ground, side by side.

You were never worthy. He never even loved you, do you see that now? The voice softens more and sounds almost concerned. I bite my lip and declare defeat. The voice is right. I’m worthless and Jayy deserves so much more than I could ever give him. That’s right, you’re useless and worthless. You’re nothing but a waste of space. You should just kill yourself. Nobody would care if you were gone anyways.

I feel my eyes open, but now the voice is screaming louder than ever, and every word, every single word, burns into my heart and soul. My hand goes to my pocket and before I realize what’s going on, my phone cover and my phone lies separate on the ground, which leaves me with a bunch of my favorite razors in my palm.

I lie down on the ground, not caring about getting dirty. Pulling off my wristbands I hold the one of the shiny pieces of metal up to my skin, enjoying the cold feeling. I push down the blade and slide it across my wrist in a straight line. I wince at the sharp pain. One cut for being this worthless. I slide across my wrist again, this time the pain isn’t as sharp, because it mixes with pleasure. A cut for being this useless. I do it over and over, gradually the pleasure surpasses the pain. A cut for believing I actually meant something to him. One for getting so attached. One more for being nothing but a waste of space and oxygen. Another for being so weak. A cut more for everything the voice has ever told me. I throw away the razorblade, somewhere between the trees. I close my eyes and feel the blood running from my wrist. Opening my eyes again I just sit up and watch the small red drops grow bigger and eventually spill over and run down my, every drop leaving a glistening red track on my arm.

I pull off my t-shirt and drop it beside me. Holding up the razorblade to my ribs I start cutting along them. Long cuts opens and I sigh in satisfaction. At least I’m doing something right now. I start to feel lightheaded because of the blood loss. Come on death. Don’t push me away again. I need you.

I hear a something. It’s… a voice. I can’t make out who it is or what it says. Everything fades to black and I feel numb. And then I feel nothing...

Jayy’s POV:

I gasp and shout as I see Dahvie fall to the ground. I run faster towards him than I already do. As I come closer, I notice, that he’s surrounded by a bunch of bloody razors. His chest and arms are all cut up and bleeding. I swallow back the urge to fall to the ground and cry my heart out. “Dahvie baby… How could you do this?” I whisper and pick up his shirt, ripping it into pieces I bandage up his arms tightly, so he won’t lose any more blood. Lifting my precious Dahvie up in my arms I run out of the forest.

((Boring note))

I just quickly wanted to thank all my loyal coonies :') <3

I love writing this story and reading all the positive feedback!

You brighten up my days.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this story so far.

Also, I'm sorry I'm so bad at updating often. I'll work on getting better at that. I just get really easily distracted by everything from my phone and music to my head. But that shouldn't keep you from reading.

Bye for now ^-^