Just One More

Chapter One

TW: Abuse, self harm, fighting, swearing, and alcoholism 

This chapter is a bit short, but the coming ones will be longer :) I hope you enjoy!

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Regina sat on the end of her bed, cheek still stinging. She had hit her. Emma had hit her. They were drunk, they fought, and Regina pushed Emma a little too far and she snapped. For just a few moments, everything went silent. Then Emma started to apologise profusely, clearly ashamed and horrified by what she'd done. Regina only held up a hand to silence her before walking away with an emotionless expression. She'd gone to her bedroom and closed the door, locking it before sitting on the bed and gripping the comforter beside her. She refused to let herself cry, she'd been hit before, just... never by Emma. When they'd first become a couple, Emma had promised never to hurt her, promised to keep her safe and protected. But, promises meant nothing to Regina. No one kept a promise to her, not once in her entire life. Broken promises made up Regina's past, and would surely make up her future as well. She looked down at the marred flesh on her thighs, old and new scars decorating them like a tiger's stripes. The first time they had been together, Emma saw the scars and stopped to kiss each one, reminding her that she was loved and beautiful. She told her that her scars didn't define her, they were a sign that she was human too. That everyone struggled. She made her feel amazing, on top of the world even... But that was then and this was now. With a small wave of her hand, a familiar silver blade appeared in between her fingers. She smiled sadly, watching it glint in the light as she turned it between her fingers. "Hello, old friend." She whispered, as she once again let her demons control her actions.

Emma fucked up, she knew she fucked up the minute she saw that look on her face... That look in her eyes made her heart shatter. Regina went blank, and that only happened when she was hurt. Very, very hurt. Regina barely let her in once, she knew she'd shut her out after this incident. Regina had thrown around a few words but she didn't break any promises. She accused her of having feelings for another woman, and Emma lost it. She lashed out, not with words, but with her open palm. The noise her hand made when it came into contact with Regina's cheek would haunt her for as long as she lived. She downed another shot of whiskey, forgetting how many she had taken about six or seven drinks ago. Emma had always been fond of drinking, and tended to rely on it when things got bad. Long day at work? Drink. Nightmare? Drink. Fight with 'Gina? Drink. Drinking was the only way out, in Emma's eyes.

Regina wheezed slightly, finally letting the flood of tears behind her eyes stream down her cheeks as she stared at the bloodied razor blade, cradling it in her shaking palm. She felt empty, useless... She felt like a train wreck. She stood on shaky legs, stumbling her way into the shower and cranking it up on full heat. She couldn't lie and say she didn't enjoy the burn of the water washing over new cuts. She always had. She'd stayed clean for so long, several years. She'd stopped, for the most part, when she'd adopted Henry, but over the years she'd had a few slip ups. Once when Henry had first discovered he was adopted, again when he started to grow distant, and when he first said he hated her. Most of her scars were from those days, when she would say "I love you" and we would respond with "I hate you," or, "You aren't my real mom." Those words hurt her more than anything. She'd stopped again when Emma and she had first become a couple. Emma had stopped drinking, and Regina stopped the self harm. Until the fights started, that is. Things weren't so bad at first, they fought because Emma often stayed out late with Ruby to go clubbing and forgot to tell Regina. From there, things spiraled downhill. They fought over everything. Emma refusing to help clean up around the house, Regina being too neat and tidy, Regina not wanting to get a dog, Emma not wanting to get a cat, everything.

Emma stomped up the stairs, very drunk and very angry. She pounded on Regina's door, knowing it was locked. "R'gina! Lemme in, we need to talk!" She yelled, waiting for a response. She heard the shower running and huffed in annoyance, knowing Regina wouldn't leave the comfort of the shower to answer her. She stood back and kicked the door in, watching as it flew open and smacked the wall hard enough to leave a hole where the knob had hit the wall. She stormed angrily into the bathroom, stopping in the doorway and looking at the shower. Regina was curled against the shower wall, blood slowly trickling down her thighs and onto the tile in a slow, steady stream. "How dare you, I'd never cheat!" She yelled, watching Regina flinch and turn to her with wide, fearful eyes. "I'm fuckin' good to you! You're the one who's fucked up!" She screamed, storming to the shower and yanking open the door. She shut off the shower, glaring down at Regina, who was cowering in the corner, shaking and sobbing as Emma screamed at her. Emma froze when she saw the blood, mouth hanging agape with shock. She'd cut. She'd been clean, as far as she knew. But now... This was all her fault. She turned, punching the wall angrily. She heard Regina let out a shaky sob from her corner in the shower, and decided it was best to just leave her be. She waved a hand stiffly, poofing herself away in a cloud of white, gleaming magic.

Regina pulled herself up off the floor, sobbing still as she stood on shaky legs. Emma said she was fucked up. It was true, she supposed. Regina sought comfort in slitting open her skin, it relieved her and made her feel... human. She stumbled into the bedroom, reaching into a drawer pulling out a small first aid kit from her nightstand. She cleaned the cuts carefully, sniffling softly as she wrapped them with a fresh piece of gauze. She always did this after a break down, no matter how much it hurt to pick up the pieces. Self care was her personal mantra. She was the one who picked herself up off the floor and made it all better again, no one else. She was strong when she had to be. She wouldn't let a fight ruin things again. She decided that in the morning, she and Emma needed to have a serious talk.

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Emma woke up on the beach, seagulls squawking and hopping around her in hopes of finding food. She groaned, pushing herself up and brushing the sand off her jacket. She looked around, frowning. She had fought with Regina last night, and really hurt her this time. Maybe she should stay away for a while, let her calm down before trying to make things better. She'd fucked up pretty badly this time, she struck her, just like she promised she never would do. Regina had broken down, relapsed, all because Emma got drunk off her ass and decided to start something with her. She wanted to apologize right now, to promise it'd never happen again. In all fairness, she had been spending far more time with Ruby than she had with Regina lately. Ruby had been dumped, so as her best friend, Emma stepped in to try and cheer her up. She didn't tell Regina that, so she could understand why Regina was scared. Regina was scared of losing another lover, and now... she just might, all because of Emma's carelessness with her insecurities. The insecurities she'd barely told Emma in the first place. She groaned to herself, shaking her head at her own recklessness. She wished she could go back in time and change what had  happened, but now... she had to deal with what she'd brought down on herself.

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Regina sat in the very back of the diner, gripping her coffee mug. She had the hood to her jacket pulled up over her face, so no one would see the bruises Emma had left. She hadn't slept all night, she couldn't get Emma's words out of her mind. She sipped her coffee, ignoring the tears welling up in her eyes. She felt someone gently tap her shoulder, and she couldn't help but flinch let out a high pitched squeal. "Calm down Regina, it's me. Are you alright?" Belle asked, gasping in shock when she saw the large bruise on the mayor's usually flawless face. "What happened to you?"

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Aaaaand that's all for this chapter :) Thanks for reading!