Dear Love,
Im in the mental hospital, sneaking on a CA's PC... But somethings been bugging me...
So, I had a HUGE crush on you. I was quite good at hiding it as well... Anyways dadadada we were dating.. I was the happiest Id ever been.. But then I realized, I cut. I hear voices. IM SUICIDAL! I wanted to kill myself! Id made a plan the day before! I didnt want to hurt you. So I broke up with you. After that I was a mess. I started tearing myself apart.. I start slowly killing myself. The voices got worse.. I got distant with everyone. You couldnt see it but I had horrible dreams of horrible things.. I made sure no one knew me anymore. I hated myself because I wanted to call you mine.. Have you love me... Know Im imperfect and love me for it... But it was dumb and I knew I cared too much about you to do that to you... So I tore myself apart.. Attempted 6 times. I loved you so much. And you were pissed cause I broke up with you. I hate myself for being me.
All to make sure you didnt get too close... To make sure you were with someone stable...
I hate myself everyday for doing that.. I felt.. happy with you... I hadnt felt that in forever... While I do hate myself, I know I saved you...
Miserable At Best - Mayday Parade
Look up that song... It represents how I felt. It also shows how I feel when your sad...
I love you Lex... Write to me maybe? I can sneak almost every day... ILY
please love me... Tell me something happy because the hospitals so sad and I miss u guys
