Hey Angel (c.w.)

Eight.

Anorexia and Bulimia are very serious disorders. If you suffer with either/both please go talk to somebody about it...a parent, a doctor, a sibling, a close friend, me, anyone. Please just get help.

Please remember that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Yes, I'm writing about a girl that hates her life so much to the point that she wants to die, but it doesn't mean I support it(it being suicide or self hate)

If you feel alone, self conscious, or anything else...please don't hesitate to message me I'm here for you.

Send your dreams

Where nobody hides

Give your tears

To the tide

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{Luna}

As soon as my mom died I pushed everyone out of my life. Everyone except my dad.

I shut out my other family, the fake friends that acted like they actually cared, teachers that tried to help me, and even some of my closest friends.

I felt so alone even though I had so many people who tried to help me, to reach out to me.

All that time that I was alone made me think about a number of things including my physical appearance.

Before my mom passed on I was quite chubby. I didn't mind though because that's when I couldn't give two craps about my appearance. That was when I had my mom who made me realize that appearance isn't everything but what's on the inside, that is what really matters.

Every night after my mom's death I would stand in front of my full body mirror, and I would just look at myself and think.

I told myself that I was beautiful when my brain told me otherwise. I tried so hard to tell myself that, but then it became impossible because I knew I was not beautiful.

I stared eating less every week, and if I did eat I'd would go to the bathroom and make myself throw up all of the food I had consumed minutes before just to be society's kind of beautiful.

Im now very skinny and my thighs and arms barely have muscle or fat on them. I suffered with anorexia and bulimia, but I've gotten better with my anorexia.

I've stopped completely making myself throw up. It was difficult, but I stopped.

I still hate eating, but I force myself to eat a little more because I know that—even from heaven—my mom would be proud that I'm putting up a fight.

I'm still battling with my eating disorder for my mom.

It's 2:47 and I'm still in my bed trying to sleep my sadness away, but most importantly...avoiding Cole.

I know that they are taking team pictures and recording intro videos for only half of the teams today because the little league World Series is only four days away.

We've had really dark clouds recently, and it's rained once so far since we've been here. I think I heard my dad saying that they might have to cancel all the first games because of the amount of rain we are about to receive, but I'm not sure because I don't think that's ever happened in LLWS history. [a/n: yes I'm adding the day when all of games on the first day of the LLWS got postponed because of the rain]

-

[Cole]

"The boy in the middle can you please move a little to the left, away from your coach"