We were making out.
His breath on my neck ... His smell ... His voice ... So real.
We kissed. He crushed my lips, no, I crushed his lips. Again, I felt his tongue along the roof of my mouth. I see the passion that is so obvious from the moment his wild eyes staring at me. It's so beautiful. So ... perfect.
Then instantly that hghlight became too dangerous, as he want to kill me. He push his body so strong, too strong for my weak body. Hurt. Hurt like hell, I almost cried.
Then I yell, opening my eyes.
Just a dream.
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Trying to really wake up, I thought back to a passionate dream that I just got. I can feel the sweat on my forehead. My heart was beating too fast after I realized. That man, I can't believe that I just got that wild dream with him. I decided to get up at last, after all the effort I made to get rid of that filthy mind in my head, I feel so ... sin.
Clock showing me it's still 6.15 now. Class begins at 7:30 today. In outside my room, I could hear someone in kitchen, probably cooking rice. I still have plenty of time to get ready. I went to the bathroom. Turning my shower on, letting the hot water flowing through my head, to my body, go down to toe.
I always love the bathroom. The smell of soap. The sound of water. The air here. And privacy I got here, it's different with my room, even I always alone in there most of the time, it's not as private here. And I don't know if everyone do it or not, and I never feel crazy after doing all this in bathroom: Singing, dancing while jumping, look at myself in the mirror and start fantasizing about things.
This morning is different. I do not sing or dance. The dream was so startled that it was difficult to get rid of it from my head. No, not about sex thing that I remember, but the guy in it, my partner in the dream. I know who he is although I can never remember the details of my dream, and the pictures blurred in my memory.
It tooks 15 minutes for me to shower. Actually can be much shorter if I was hurry, but I always wanted stay as long as I can here. Finally I got out, still wearing a towel I saw the clock. 7:01 now. I rushed to get dress, take the jeans and shirt. Looking for my shoe and found it under my bed. Quickly took the bag and out of the room. I left my bed in a mess. I greet whatever her name, my neighbor who lives next door to me, she also studying at the same college and majoring as me, just that we were different levels. She is 2 levels higher than me.
I left my "second" home and walk to the campus. Stop to buy a bread in the campus cafeteria before heading to my class today. Today's first course is English, and I'm afraid to go to that class, so afraid.
I saw the door open and the lecturer isn't come yet. I met Riska who walked out of the class. "Have you done the task?", She asked. "Uh ... Yeah. I did it last night until so late." I replied. "He is so crazy. That idiot lecturer." I laugh with her. It takes 3 seconds for me to decide better go in now or later, finally choose to follow Riska entry the classroom. Trying to think if there is someone in this room who could read my mind.
Fortunately, he haven't come yet.
Someone poke me. "Ha! Daydream? Still early morning now." I gasped. And shock. Oh my God! That's him. And the pictures of my dream last night repeated again, more clearly, when I saw the same face.
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His name is Tom. I've known him so long, since I was in 9th grade. He was a new student when I first met him. From the first day I saw him, until this moment he is standing in front of me, I always admired him. We became friends so quickly because we found that we love some of the same bands and the same football team.
"Wid? Anything wrong?" A second after it my brain just started working and I realized that I use my silly shocked expression in my face. As soon as I put on my usual face, but failed. Instead of straight my usual face, my cheeks got red when I think about that dream again.
"Um... Nothing. I'm fine." He smile then. I don't know how to describe the most beautiful things about him. His eyes are the most beautiful thing in this world for me. I can saw myself on his brown eyes. So perrrrrrfect beautiful eyes . Then the second one is his smile. His teeth were so neat, white, and so visible when smiling. His lips, the same lips that I creamed in my dream last night, so beautiful and every lines look like a scratch of the best picture by the best painter who designed it like that so that everyone who see it will love it. Then his dimple. It's that simple but it becomes something so perfect when I saw this through my eyes.
I tried to smile back but he didn't see. He walked past me and sat down to open the zipper of his bag. Got his ipod and use the headset.
I, now looks so stupid, still thinking if anyone in this room could read my mind. After thinking that it's not possible, I finally went and sat two seats left beside Tom. Trying to read, reread my task even though there is no single sentence that I read.
Already 3 years I kept these feelings with no one else knows except God. Even my best friends do not even know it. So contrast with my habits that I always show to everyone, I always tell my friends about the guys who fill my head. But for this one, I feel better when only me and God who know.
Lecturer come after 10 minutes. The lesson begins and my brain still don't want to compromise. I'm not thinking about that dream again, actually I can't think anything now. Every 10 seconds I guess, I glance at tom. And I hope he doesn't realize it.
About 20 minutes lecturer is still busy with the lesson and I'm not notice anything from his lines. And when I glance at Tom for the 100 times, he look towards me then make a silly face. I laughed silently and feel very very happy. I hear my heart beats. I think, and I know, every girls in this world always feel this way like I feel now. When she has a crushed on someone, and the guy give her even a small positive reaction, like staring at her even only 1 second, she'll feel like time has stop. And she got that very fast heart beats. And she die a little inside. And all the other things seems like not important, even breathing isn't that important again.
