Gone Too Soon

The True Queen Channary

She had a poised life, everything was perfect. No matter where she turned or what she did, she was respected and adored. Her beauty was admired throughout the kingdom. And to top it off, she was going to be queen one day. Her life couldn't have been more perfect.

That's what gave her the perfect alibi as well. Because Channary wasn't happy, and knew she never would be.

She'd never known the love of a mother or father, and now they were gone. It's not as though she was sad for them. They never regarded her as more than a princess, a royal. When they should have called her their daughter.

Her sister wasn't much of an improvement. Deep down, she did care about her, and want to be kinder to her. But she never revealed that what she did to her as a child was an accident. She never meant to hurt her, and she never wanted to make an enemy of her own sister.

Still, when Channary wasn't satisfied, torturing her sister seemed to take the pain away for a moment. Though for only a moment. It never lasted, nor did it make her feel better about her life. Sure, she had everything others could want. Not what everyone could need.

She wanted to be loved, to have a family.

That's when her sister got married. To a man that already had a child. It made her sick, to see that her sister could just make him love her, and that she was the one who got to have a family. Seeing the little girls face as a babe, it pushed her over the edge.

That's when she started going to the caves.

The grand regolith caves of Luna. Where the only sustainable resource on Luna could be found. Where the soldiers used to be led into to move around the planet without being seen. Now, where Queen Channary of Luna stays for hours and hours to cry her heart out.

It no longer mattered to her that people thought she left the palace to have romantic trysts. At least they knew to leave her be. The smoky interior of the caves would clog her lungs and make her cough in and out of the palace. But that was easy to mask, for the most part.

Most nights, she would go to sleep, dreaming of that one time, that one dance she had, with a man so kind and pure. The same night she dropped a glass on a guest. It wasn't the constable, or any of the other men she'd been with. He was so gentle, so sweet, and he treated her not as royalty, but as an angel.

For hours it seemed they'd danced. It was as if he knew exactly how to woo her, to make her want to stay. That night lasted so much longer than it should have, and still not long enough.

And just like that, he was gone. He never came back to her, and she never saw him again. Like a star in the sky, he stayed with her for the night, and was gone by morning.

After that, she went to the caves almost every day, to cry, to weep, and to regret her very existence. Seeing others in pain was the only thing that made her smile, or even lifted her spirit. It showed that she wasn't alone, and that the life she'd been given wasn't the only one filled with pain and misery.

There was one flicker of happiness of her black abyss of a life. It wasn't too long after the ball, that she learned she was pregnant, with his baby.

She hoped to all the stars it would be a boy, so he could grow up to look just like his father. Maybe even act like him, chivalrous and daring. Her joy was only slightly dulled when she found out her baby would be a girl.

Channary could start her own family. It wouldn't be perfect, but it would be hers. Just her and her little girl. Who she wanted to be named after the planet, Luna. So she chose Selene.

The first time she held the girl in her arms, she knew her family would be perfect. She knew her little girl would be the perfect princess. But unlike her parents, she would raise her daughter. Not cast her off to nannies and tutors. She would invest a great amount of her time in raising her baby, her Selene.

Then, when it seemed like her life couldn't be happier, he came back. He told her that he never wanted to leave, that he'd been forced away. And that now, he could stay, and he could be hers forever.

That gracious moment lasted until Channary had been foolish enough to give him what he asked for. Another night, another dance, another kiss. She woke to a crying baby in the crib next to her bed, and he was gone.

She'd told her sister that love was a conquest, a war. But she'd been wrong. Love was anything but that.

Love was a trap. A wretched game that could never be won. And as for her, all of the players were determined to make sure she never got the chance to win.

That's what really broke her. Channary went to the caves everyday after that morning. Her dreams of a family were crushed, her daughter only reminded her of the man who tricked her. And as for her sister, there was no way she could ever forgive Channary for what she'd done to her, and she knew it.

Eventually, it just became too much. Like the smog of the regolith, the depression of her life was squeezing her throat, suffocating her. And one day, she couldn't breathe.

Her little girl would be queen, and the people of Luna would simply forget she ever reigned. Selene would grow up without knowing the love of a mother, just like she did.

But at least she was done with the pain, and no longer had to drown in the tears of not knowing real love, or never having a family.