Begin Again

Prologue

I STARED AT HIM, eyes wide with disbelief.

Was he serious? Was he seriously breaking up with me?

I felt myself grew weak as I realized what he said. A loud gasp escaped my lips, and I immediately raised my hand to cover my mouth.

I slowly lowered myself to the sofa behind me, my whole body trembling.

"You're... breaking up... with me?" I asked, almost in a whisper. I was still staring at the empty space when I spoke. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

Not yet.

"Yes," he responded in an equally hushed tone. It's clear that this was hard for him as well, but the fact that he was the one who brought it up means he's serious about it. And that there's nothing I could do to change his mind.

And, this was probably for the better. It's been a while since all we did was fight when we're together. Maybe we need this time off to know what we really want in life.

My heart breaking into million pieces, I made myself look at him. At the man who brought me countless joy and gave me love. At the man who was the reason why my tears were continuously falling now. Why my breath were coming irregularly. Why I couldn't stop sobbing from too much pain I was feeling at the moment.

"Why?" I asked, though I already knew the reason. Sure, I did thought this was for the better, but I guess I just had to try to stop this break up.

"You know why. It's just not working anymore for any of us." The tone of his voice was what made me finally look up at him.

And there it was. The thing that I was hiding from since the beginning of this conversation; the coldness in his eyes.

That was the final straw. The last blow that would bring the fight out of me. The one that would reduce me into a little puddle of tears and broken heart.

Shaking my head, I tried to say the word "no" but he just said, "we have to".

Dropping my head into my hands, I tried to keep myself under control.

"Fine, then. Go. And don't come back. Good bye. Good luck," I whispered in the most steady voice I could muster.

"Thank you. Live well," he replied, followed by silence.

When I finally heard the sound of door shutting was when I lost it. I cried my heart out like there was no tomorrow. I screamed and clawed at my hair while feeling my heart contract painfully in my chest. I screeched as I took hold of a pillow and burried my head there to silence my cries.

I cried like that for what felt like eternity. As my tears ran low, the pain in my chest lessened as well until there's no pain at all. Just a numb sensation. Like I didn't have a heart at all. It was like, someone cut a circle on my chest with a dull knife. That was the painful part. But once it was over and they finally took my heart out of me, the pain was gone along with it, leaving only a gaping hole of nothingness in its wake.

Feeling no emotion at all after such an emotional roller coaster, I felt myself finally driftin into a dreamless sleep.