I am watching how the sun sets; the color of it makes me shiver. I am here for about three hours already, strolling endlessly at the beach walk, never thinking where my feet will lead me. The waves wet my sneakers but I never mind at all. I am walking as if I never wear shoes. What’s the matter when shoes are wet? They aren’t even part of my body. They are just accessories for my feet to enjoy walking freely into other dimensions. What’s matter most is that I can walk and walk. At this moment, I don’t need them. It’s a s if walking here is like walking barefooted. The coldness of the sea makes my feet at ease. Then tiredness hits me enough I suddenly need to take a rest. This spot, where I am standing right now, is the best place to do it, for a moment.
It is already getting dark and I don’t feel like
going home. I just want to be alone at this moment of my life. No one remembers me. No one is thinking of me. That may be a subjective conclusion but since this morning I feel that I was almost alone. My mother didn’t show up this morning. She might have gone somewhere. My father was still asleep due to heavy drinking with his friends last night. My girlfriend didn’t manage to send me a message just to check if how I am this day. This very special day, ever since then, makes me feel I am alone.
From time to time, I checked my phone to see if someone did manage to give me a message. No one did. Even my friends don’t remember me at all. I am able to shun myself from this world and now living in an ethereal world where I exist alone. I am successful but why do I feel sad right now?
You don’t send feelers to us, It’s as if you no longer exist, Where are you up these days?, said one of my friends when we bumped into each other one hot afternoon while scanning books in one of my favorite bookstores here.
I am just here. Strolling is my business and I am shutting myself from this world behind every unknown people you meet everyday, I said with a grinning face. She knows that I am joking.
Well, you might be successful our memories of you will be erased totally.
I know she’s just playing the way I did. I never have taken her seriously until this day. This must be what she meant before.
The stars are now showing themselves one by one. And the reddish sky is now turning into black. They might be looking for me right now. If they do, they would send a text message or give a call. But I know they will never do it. So I immediately stand up and take a walk back. I never know how far I walked but seeing where I was before; I must’ve walked more or less ten miles. Good thing that the road is running parallel with the beach side that I don’t need to walk back to be able to ride a vehicle back home. My shoes are wet enough that sands are glued on it.
The roads are empty and the yellow light that comes from the street lamp are flickering that they seem creepy as if any minute from now a ghost or a serial killer would come out and tries to kill me. I know I am back. My imaginations of this world, the only companion I have right now, made it. Then I tap my head , smile, and said to myself, What I am doing here? I shouldn’t be here at all. I am like this before I shouldn’t feel loneliness at all.
I look at the stars. Yeah, they are there. Sing a song for me. Deliver it through the wind. A loud honk makes me look aside and cut my attention. There’s a vehicle coming.
Hunger hits me. I need to pass at a fast food chain to satisfy my hunger. I know in the corner there is this fast food restaurant that it’s commercial on television I like most. It’s about a girl giving a boy a food just to make her his girlfriend. But I don’t see that commercial at all. They may have pulled it out due to sensibility of the matter.
While falling in line, I noticed that there’s a birthday party being held at one part of the restaurant. So many kids where there and the look on their faces suggest the happiness of the event. Some are busy eating food while others are playing wild. Then all of a sudden jealousy hits me. Since my childhood years I never experienced any celebration during my birthday. Yes that is true. Not a single food was prepared nor any gifts were given to me. And how old I am right now? I am just twenty-two years old, and twenty-two years have passed that I feel deprived of that moment in my life.
You’re order sir?, said the girl in the counter. I am busy looking at the kids that I never notice that it was already my turn.
Give me one piece chicken? I paid 99 pesos in all.
I sit at the corner near the event so that I could see how the party is going. I barely touch my food. The spectacle is so awesome that I wanted myself to be there. I wanted to see myself in front of the people greeting me “happy birthday’ and then it will be painted forever in my memory. I wish it would happen to me also.
I am busy looking at them when I feel that someone is touching me from behind. When I look back I saw a child holding a birthday candle shaped seven, suggesting his age, and handed it to me. His face is full of smear from the food he ate. He also wears a birthday cap. He must be the birthday celebrant. I don’t know how I sensed it but I know in my heart it is him.
What’s this boy?, I said in a low and dramatic voice.
It’s for you. I got it from the cake and I thought I should give it to you, he said in a slow and childish voice.
But why me of all people?
I don’t know, either. It’s just that I feel I should give it to you. By the way it is my birthday today.
Happy birthday! I said it with a full smile.
He turns back and runs to where his party is while I am left behind sitting there alone. He has some friends he shares his joy, while I am alone eating my food. Though sadness hits me again, the idea that someone I didn’t know feels it is my special day puts a joy in my heart. I know I will be going home happy. If someone remembers me before the day ends, I will be his slave forever.
I look again at my phone. My wallpaper is Spongebob, and the clock says its 8:30 in the evening. Still no message or call came. I am successful enough to shun myself of this world. In a few hours, this day will end and so the start of my twenty-three years in life. And I don’t feel like I’m getting older. The birthday candle the child gave is here in my pocket with my hand grips on it. I need to go home now. I think they are looking for me now. Not because it’s my special day, but because I am their son and I have my home.
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