「i know you're seeing black and white, so i'll paint you a clear blue sky; without you i'm color blind, it's raining every time i open my eyes」
darkness. pitch black darkness. he felt it consume his mind and it flooded his vision. he ran a frail, pale hand through his blonde hair and let out a breath. he could see his breath in front of him, but not much further than that. he felt like he was in his own little pocket of the world, left alone to fend for himself. to protect himself from things he didn't see coming.
the sky was dark and cloudy, freezing rain falling and making his hair stick to his cheeks. he shivered. he couldn't remember why he left the comfort of his home in the first place.
that's right, to meet kuroo.
he let out another sigh and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. his shoulders raised to make himself seem smaller and warmer.
"yo, kenma." kuroo raised his hand as a brief hello. kenma glanced up at him, then moved his gaze back to his feet. he stayed quiet. kuroo grabbed onto his wrist and forced his hand out of his pocket. kenma was dragged behind him, slightly startled, but he didn't show that. whenever kuroo was near him, he felt as if he could see more, even if the world seemed pale, grey, and uninteresting.
kenma was dragged into a public arcade, and his heart fluttered with panic. he wasn't a people person, he didn't do too well with others. thankfully, the only person that talked to him was kuroo. but if it wasn't for that day, he wouldn't have a momentary escape from the darkness like he does now. it helped him forget how dark his world was, and reminded him that the world wasn't completely black and white.
"kenma, let's get out of this place." kuroo tugged on the sleeve of kenma's jacket. he didn't budge from his spot on his bed. he was fine with his view of the ceiling. the jacket swallowed him whole, due to the fact that he was still incredibly thin, if not thinner than before. he was always cold, and sometimes shot kuroo texts about the rain that wasn't actually there.
"i'm tired." kenma's voice was not a pretty sound. it was scratchy from crying and from not talking often. he spoke quietly, and took in the plain color of his ceiling. kuroo was laying down next to him. he rolled over to face his little boyfriend. a pout was placed on his lips, out of sight from kenma. he sat up and pressed a kiss to the cold skin of kenma's forehead.
"i guess i'll let you rest then." he's always tired. "do you want something to eat?" i already know the answer to that.
"no. i'm good." his voice still sounded horrible, and every time it reached kuroo's ears, his heart broke a little more. he bit his lip and shut the door to kenma's room quietly behind him. he leaned against a wall once he got the kitchen and buried his face in his hands, hot tears making their way through the gaps between his fingers.
he took his hands away from his face and sucked in a shaky breath of air. he ran a trembling hand through his hair. "i'll rid him of his darkness, and make him happier." he said to himself, his voice breaking several times. "i hate seeing him like this."
he didn't eat anything.
「anything it takes to make you stay」
when kuroo's phone rang in the middle of the night, he immediately got worried. nobody calls him, except for kenma; and he almost never calls this late. he picked it up as soon as he could. "kenma. please tell me you're okay."
there were sniffles heard on the other side of the phone, along with a little whimpering sound. kuroo's heart shattered, and he put a hand over his mouth to hide his shaky breath. he held the phone away from his ear as he took a deep breath to stabilize his breathing. "kenma, would you like me to come over?"
"yes." his voice was barely above a whisper, but that was all kuroo needed to hear. he threw a sweatshirt over his head, and climbed out the window of his bedroom; which he had done several times before. his bike was in the bushes, and he brushed it off quickly and rode as fast as he could to kenma's house. the thought of his boyfriend crying in the middle of the night, probably without sleeping at all before, made him pedal faster. the wind harshly pelted him in his face, but he didn't care one bit. he would do anything for the one he loves; that one being kenma. he rode his bike into the grass and laid it down under a tree, and he knocked twice on kenma's window. the clicking of the window being unlocked was heard, and he opened the window swiftly and quietly. he climbed through it.
kenma was sitting up in bed, his hair a tangled mess, and his eyes were bloodshot. his lip quivered, and he broke into another fit of sobs as kuroo wrapped his arms around him. kenma grabbed a fistful of kuroo's sweatshirt and hid his face. and he cried. kuroo held him until he calmed down, until he had let everything out. he rubbed the smaller boy's back soothingly, and did his best to stay strong himself. it was painful to see him like that. "kenma, are you okay with talking about it?"
he felt him nod his head against his chest. "i want to die." he started, making kuroo's breath hitch in his throat. he stayed quiet, letting kenma think things through, and talk. "so i called you, because you know how to help and to rid me of my darkness." kenma's voice was just as scratchy as it had been for awhile, if not more. "my thoughts are so loud, kuroo. they won't let me sleep. i don't like them." he whimpered, and kuroo squeezed his hand, reminding him that he was there.
"i know your world is a twisted black and white place, but i'll do anything to keep you by my side." he moved back, and held his face in his hands, wiping the tears off his cheeks with his thumb. "even if that means coloring your world for you."
"there's no way i deserve someone like you." kenma closed his eyes and whispered, leaning into kuroo's touch. "without you, seeing color isn't something that i would be capable of doing."
"kenma." kuroo studied his features as his golden eyes opened again. he pressed a soft kiss to his lips. it was filled with so much love that kenma felt as if he could already see his dark world clearing up. "you're so strong, and i'm so proud of you for being able to fight like you have. i'm the one who doesn't deserve you."
his words made kenma burst into tears again, and he hugged kuroo so tightly that he was surprised he could breathe. kenma's fingers clawed at the material of the sweatshirt kuroo was wearing, attempting to bring him closer. kuroo hugged him back, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes as well. kenma's emotions were running wild; he was happy and relieved. kuroo said the words that he couldn't imagine anyone saying to him, and he was so incredibly flustered and overjoyed that he couldn't hold the tears in any longer.
"thank you." kenma let go of kuroo and pressed another kiss to his lips, the two of them falling back onto his bed. they separated, their noses still touching. "for everything."
the next morning, kenma woke up in the arms of his boyfriend. he was still sound asleep next to him, soft snores sneaking past his lips. the afternoon sun was shining through his window, and he groaned. his eyes were dry and itchy from the previous night, his head was pounding, and his throat was sore. he sighed quietly, and faced the sleeping boy next to him. his fingers found their way into his dark hair, and he twisted strands of it around his fingers. the arms around his waist tightened, and kenma gasped in surprise.
"that feels good, keep doing it." kuroo grumbled with his eyes closed. kenma let out a weak laugh that sounded more like a short exhale and continued to play with his hair. kuroo hummed in response, and nuzzled his head into the crook of kenma's neck. "good morning, kitten." kuroo whispered.
"kitten?" kenma asked, his cheeks flushed slightly. he didn't actually dislike that nickname.
"gah, shit sorry. i didn't mean to say the kitten part." he chuckled at himself to hide his embarrassment.
kenma smiled a smile that kuroo didn't see. there was no way he would tell him that he liked it. "it's fine."
his pocket in the world was still there, but kuroo found a way to let the light in. the light turned his pocket from black to clear, so he could see the blue sky, and the rest of the world around him.
