With a sigh, you sit down at the window and look outside. Because of the weather, everybody knows which season it is at the moment. De leaves have fallen of the trees a couple of weeks ago. The sun is shining, but it isn't as warm as it is in summer. The wind is blowing hard and it makes you shiver. But it is the thin layer of white everywhere which tells you what season it is. Slowly, more snowflakes join those on the ground. It is winter, and the winter this year is colder that you've ever experienced. But the snow and cold are a part of winter.
Today is Christmas Eve, a day you always look forward to. Not just Christmas Eve, but Christmas in general. Christmas has always been your favorite holiday. It's even better that your birthday. The family feeling is better at Christmas. You spent Christmas with the people you love. On your birthday, lot's of friend from your parent come and you don't really know them. They just come to say hello to your parent, not because it's your birthday. It isn't like that with Christmas.
You'd go home tomorrow to spent Christmas with your family. Today, you'd spend it with your boyfriend, like the other four years. Time runs past, you're together for over four years already. You couldn't imagine a better boyfriend. Except you don't feel like he is your boyfriend anymore. He comes home late and most of the time, you're already sleeping. The worst days are when he comes home while you are sleeping, and leaves before you even wake up. Because of that, you sometimes don't see or speak to him for days. He can't reply your messages because he has to give his phone to the manager. This way they aren't distracted while doing what they must do. Not that he has time anyway, his schedules are always very busy.
You sighed and get out of your seat. You walk towards the kitchen to make a hot coco for yourself. Hoping to warm yourself with it. You would love the sit together on the couch, snuggled up to him with a hot drink in your hands, watching one of the many Christmas movies that they show on tv. But he still isn't home. Something that's normal, but you don't like it. You never know at what time he's finished. Often, they don't have a busy schedule but they add another thing or two throughout the day. Which is the reason for him coming home late, again. You weren't used to it in the beginning, when you've just bought this apartment. You remember the first time it happend. You just moved and he woke you up by accident in the morning. Not that you mind, you loved seeing him when he just woke up, his hair all messy and his voice very raspy. He told you at what time he'd be home, gave you a kiss and walked out the door. Only he didn't come home at the time he said he would and you were worried. You've waited for him to return home, drinking a lot of coffee to keep you awake. When he came home, he was surprised you were still awake and waiting for him on the couch. After you told him that you were worried, his amazing smile which you love very much appeared. He took you in his arms and apologized for making you worry. He explained that his schedule was expanded and he could come home earlier like he said. In the end you fell asleep in his arms and stayed in bed together the next day.
The days that he does come home before you go to sleep aren't nice either. Most of the time he's tired and goes directly to sleep. You don't get to chance to talk to him, because he's fast asleep by the time you go to bed yourself. The times you do get the chance to talk to him, are his answers short and most of the times is he irritated. Due to this, you don't really want to talk to him. If you do, it always ends in a fight. Even though you can't not talk to him. You love him and you want to know how he is and how his day was. You don't feel like he's your boyfriend. It's more like you two are people who live in the same house. Roommates, nothing more or less. You don't feel like he loves you, not like you love him. It made you feel miserable. You always went to bed feeling miserable and lonely because he wasn't next to you to hold you in his arms. You'd dream about how it used to be, when you were happy together. How much he'd do for you to show his love for you. You'd always wake up feeling more miserable that before, because it isn't like that anymore. Most of the times the bed was still empty. You'd cry yourself to sleep on those days.
