New Year's Eve (Henis Sqaud Edition)

Happy New Year

Here it comes, the most awaited day of the year: new year's eve.
When adults gather around to celebrate the beautiful end of yet another eventful year, and children play with their new toys while teenagers are found in their bedrooms, lying on their bed like potatoes with their eyeballs staring at their beloved fiancé: le cellphone.

There are many other cases you'd find the teens in, like these hoes planning their new year's resolution (which get dumped in the garbage after a week), the frat boys shagging the previously mentioned hoes, and the disgusting couple who are now making out on the couch... next to me.

Now you wonder what is me doing?

Well since all I've done this break is sleep, eat cake and slowly transform into a fat cow, I've planned an eventful evening with me mum and le fam.

Around 8 o'clock, we all gathered around the table in the living room and turned on the TV.

So I snatched a beer and a bag of chips and sat on the couch with my mum.

"Ok so we're going to celebrate every hour and drink beer until the clock strikes 1" I explained with a huge smirk on my face.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

They all nodded and stared back at their phones.

After 5 hours, at 1 am to be exact, the competition started.

If you sleep, you lose.

I got up from the couch and entered the kitchen searching for cake.

"And if you like midnight eating with the fridge open"

I grabbed a plate, lied on the kitchen floor.

"And if you like chinese curries we can't even pronounce"

I sang as I threw my plate back in the sink and wobbled to my bedroom.

"Are you okay?" My dad asked as I bumped into him.

"BABY I'M PERFECT" I screeched at him and fell to the floor laughing like a llama giving birth "Baby I'm perfect to eat"

His eyes widened and he ran off to to his bedroom.

My brother stumbled up to the hallway, tripped over me and faceplanted the floor.

"HOE BE TRIPPIN"

"What do you get if you won?"
He whispered.

"I get a trip to the UAE"

"Is you possessed? Why?"

"To see Queen Turkey Egbert Senior Noodle"

"Oh. Can I see Penis?"

"It's Henis" I smacked his balls "and no. The only thing you'll be getting is a dildo from me"

"I cry. The tears stream down my face"

"I fingered an owl" I took a sip from my beer "I fingered an owl from black and white"

"Last one to reach the bottom of the stairs looses!"

My brother screamed and he curled up in a ball and rolled down the stairs.

"Hope you break your neck" I shouted back.

As I was crawling back to my room, I spotted my hedgehog next to a plant pot.

"Oh hello there Louis. Are you searching for Harry?" I cooed at him.

"Ribbit!" Sang Harry as he jumped towards Louis.

"Oh there you are, my lovely Larents. Now make out"

I grabbed both if their faces and squished them together.

"That's beautiful" I wiped my tears, completely ignoring Harry's tears and face which was full of spikes.

"Henry the half man half go-"
I screamed as I found myself falling down my bedroom hole into the kitchen.

"Darling?" Asked my mum concerned.

"Where did you hide the whiskey bottles?"

"I forgot. Wait it's in the... just check the furnace"

I groaned and rolled back to the living room.

*3 hours later*

"Tell me that I'm wrong but I do what I please"

"Yeah too many people in the Addison Lee" my wife Marmite sang as she twerked on my sleeping sister.

"NOW IM AT THE AGE WHEN I KNOW WHAT I NEED OH OH"

"Babe why are you crying?"

"LOUEH TWINKILSON IS SO BEAUTIFUL"

"I know I know"

"His bum is so secksy. I cry"

"Shush you're gonna wake up your mum"

"Wait what?!"

"Oh my god"

MY MOM FELL ASLEEP. I WIN.

I ran up the stairs and grabbed my duffle bag then threw myself in the kitchen hole again, breaking my toe.

"MOM WAKE UP. WAKE UP. LET'S GO"

"Wha-" she rubbed her eyes. "OH MY GOD. BEANSTALK! MARIMITE GET IN THE CAR!!"

We ran outside, and drove off on full speed.

*6 hours later*

"I'll be your temporary fix"

"You can call me. Even if it's just tonight"

"WE CAN MOAN IN THE DARKNESS"

"LEMME TOUCH YOU WHERE YOUR HEART IS"

"OKAY WE'RE HERE!"

"YAS" I screamed and ran back in forth in the streets in my secksy cow jumpsuit.

"Oh my god. Hello Noodle? Where is your house? Okay we're coming"

"Come here secksy cow" Marmite whispered as she tugged me by my tail.

We knocked on the door and waited. Soon enough, Noodle opens the door and welcomes us in.

"OH MY GOD WE FINALLY MET!!" Marmite and I screeched.
"WAIT GUESS WHO'S HERE! HENIS COME OVER HERE"

Henis came running towards us wearing a tukey hat and screaming in her perfect British accent "HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE"

We all had a group hug and fell to the floor laughing like hyenas.
"I LOVE YOU GUYS" I said as I wiped my tears.

THE END

JK jk

Dad: "Hello, sweetie. I can't find you anywhere. Where are you?"

Me: "Oh we're in the UAE, why don't you come over"

Dad: "What even-"

Dad: *dies*

(This part is dedicated to you, Queen Turkey Egbert Senior Noodle.)

Louis: "Ok. This was the last one. Harry? Baby? Are you okay?"

Harry: "It hurts a lot"

Louis: "I know, love. It will go away soon. Come here"

Louis spooned Harry and planted sweet kisses on his temple.

"You are still beautiful, my perfect little frog"

"Thank you, Louis. My handsome hedgehog."

They inched their faces closer and locked their lips in a sweet kiss, slowly drifting into a deep slumber in each other's arms.