I Love You, Charlie

I Love You, Charlie - Martin Jacobs (Matremone.)

It's been two weeks, and still I yearn to turn back time. My Dad died in a mugging, and there's nothing I could do to help. But I could have... If I hadn't drank all the milk the night before. Everyone tells me it's not my fault, but it is, that's something that can't be covered up. If I hadn't drank all the milk, he wouldn't have gone to the corner store. He wouldn't have died. I've seen many people to help me keep up with my feelings. The last man I saw, Doctor Smirkoff, told me to write my feelings in a journal. He said it may relieve stress, and even though I don't feel it helps, I'm doing so any way. - August 29, 2009.

It was the first day of school today. We didn't have any work to do, so we just talked among each other. Well I didn't, but the others did. I sat in the corner and looked out the window. My Social class was on the second floor of the school, and it gave a nice view out onto the street. I like watching all the cars go by, me and my Dad use to call the names of cars as they passed by, which was silly, but it was our thing. In LA my teacher came by me several times asking that I participate in their game. I wasn't paying much attention, but I think they were playing a word game. I brushed him off several times until he gave up talking to me. In Gym they played Volley ball. I normally like Volley ball, but I couldn't think about playing. The teacher had heard from my Mom what happened, so he never questioned.  - August 31, 2009.

It's 3 AM right now, I went to bed at 10 PM. I couldn't sleep, I had visions of what had happened to my Dad. It made me feel sick and cold. I could see him standing there as the man lunged the knife into his chest, and all the pain he had felt. It made me shiver at the thoughts. My Mom also told me before I went to bed, that she was counting on me making some friends at school. I actually avoided talking to anyone and everyone. I would do my work, hand it in, and leave without ever being noticed. I would help my Dad with chores, and my mom with cooking. I was a good kid, and I saw nothing wrong with that. I was an only child so I only had myself to fend for. I'm 16 now, and I know most teens my age were with friends, and drinking or smoking, but I had no interest in what they wanted to do. I do admit I'm a fairly boring kid. - September 1, 2009.

I'm in LA class, and I'm very bored. The teacher's trying to get every one into the sport of writing poems. I've already finished the assignment to write 2 poems, others are complaining. I don't see a problem with writing them, they're short and sweet, and can mean a thousand things in their short verse. There's one other kid writing though, he hasn't complained and he's smiled the entire time writing them. The teacher has said "Good job Keegan" over a dozen times, so by now I know his name is Keegan. I like that, but it brings back memories. My Dad's name was Keegan. - September 4, 2009.

Me and Keegan have become friends, and my Mom is quite happy. Keegan has some of the same interests as me. He has black hair, and he's Korean, I'm Korean and white, he says it improves our friendship somehow. He says I shouldn't wear the hat I always wear, but it was a gift from my Dad so long ago. He also draws very beautiful pictures, and talks about girls a lot. I don't see anything that special about girls, I mean they're very pretty and my body is the one telling me that, but still they're just girls. Earlier he came over and met my Mom, he also drew a picture of an eagle, and let me keep it. I have it hanging just above my bed now. My Dad's favorite animal was an eagle, so it reminds me of him every time I look at it. Tears also come to my eyes when I look at it, which brings saddness, but also joy, of knowing he was my father. - September 9, 2009.

I made a new friend today, this time it's a girl. Keegan introduced me to her yesterday, and I felt like writing about her. Her name's Olivia, and she has very long brown hair, she's also white. She's so white though, that the sun is very blinding when it hits her skin. She likes cars just like I do, and draws pictures like Keegan. Keegan met her in Art class and after being partnered with her for a dream room picture, he's been her friend. I feel like I like her more than a friend, but I have never felt this way, so I shall keep it sealed. - September 15, 2009.