All boxed in

In this cage

The world I am living in. The life I am fighting for its all getting torn to shreds.
I am Bucky known as a monkey to someone I can't not have in my life.
I am locked in this cage. This cage no respect. So dirty. No one to give a fuck about me anymore. I may as well rot away cause I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough to keep this life. I try to live and keep all happy. But I can't keep going on like this I want others to be happier. I don't care about myself no more. But all I need is people to show me some appreciation and love. I don't need to be happy. I just want to feel loved. I'm locked in this cage crying for help but no one cares. I can't take the pain I cause others when I'm still fighting my stress with my household. In getting yelled at I get no appreciation I live in my room cause of the lack of love. I just want to make people happy in there hearts. But two at once is impossible I realized that before things even happened. I never would hurt anyone but I'm the one hurting to make people happy. I'm not doing it for me. Never for myself. I just can't deal with this cage. This cage in which I suffer in. Ever since I came back. Stress working on the car getting, getting yelled at garage falling on my back. Replace the engine in the car. But all done while being rushed. Only to find out I stayed up past 2 to work on a car and tearing ligaments in my knee and have constant Pains in my shoulders and back. Which I hide because people won't care anyways. I push my body to the limit and it's past its limit. Go ahead call me weak. I survived more shit that could have killed me than you'll ever go through. I want others to be happy and not experience my pain. My stress and problems. But if you don't understand what hell im being put through. How will I know you care and love me. As I'm locked in this cage. Only one walks forth. To stick with me till further problems. The other left. Cause I couldn't bear the pain of sadness and suffering I caused her. She will always be my bestest friend. I don't want to forget about her and not will I. This cage. Breaks me. Cause no one can get in. No one can get in to fully know my pain and feelings. I am locked in here to keep the people safe. I can't let people in without hurting them. If they truly understand me they will find the key to stay happy. And be happy without me trying so hard. I go so far out of my way to help and do things. I beg to go places just to spend time with everyone. But I'm still in This cage. With no way to escape. Only one is so close but still isn't here. The other one gave up hope and hid so much pain that I could have tried to take away. She was so special to me but I can't stand seeing the hidden pain she kept so secret but in her eyes. I know there was pain. Pain that I could have prevented. Prevented if I was gone. Prevented if I wasn't a fool. A fool in this cage who gives his heart out to much and too far. A fool I am to cause only my own suffering. I live in a cage where I am screamed at and told to fuck off. He's a fucking ass hole who cares bout no one bout himself. I live in my cage. Hurting more and more. Cause I can't do anything right all I do is cause pain. And suffering. I can't live in this cage no more. I care bout you snow. I care a lot it kills me to see you go. I did so much to just to go and see you. All for you. I just can't look at the pain I caused. I wasted your time I killed part of me cause I cared to much. But it's the right thing to do. This cage is so bad it hurts it's rusted I'm full of scars no one can see. But I keep walking. Walking in circles to figure out if I should just end it all or not. I don't know how much more I can take.

I'm done trying to win battles I can't win only lose.

(Idk if I'll continue or not)