Because of You

Prologue

It always begins and ends the same way. The sirens, the screams, the monitors. And him.
Palms pressed against the pane, he gazes into my eyes, his expression vacant, dampened by an eerie, peculiar sadness. "Forget me, move on." His voice is muffled behind the glass. But I can't. I can't forget him. He starts to fall down, falling into dust as his body deteriorates. I race from window to window, but none will open. My fear gives way to panic, then to a terror that raged through every part of me. I am pulled away, left only the memory of him.
My body surges out of my dream state. Or shall I say nightmare. I've been having the same dreaded night terror every night since Jack died. He's gone, and I couldn't do anything about it.
Jack and I were in love, ever since we first met when we were fourteen. Jack had asked me out ice skating, which of course he was brilliant at, considering he had played ice hockey since he was 7. I however, did not have any expertise whatsoever in this category, so it was a night of trial and error but I had eventually learned to skate in a straight-ish line, for about three feet before I would tumble down and fall flat on my butt. Jack would just laugh, before picking me up and reminding me that Rome wasn't built in a day and after a bit of time, I'll get it. I did get it, after 2 years of practice. Jack Stone was my dream guy, he had green eyes, dark brown hair and a strong, toned frame. But he wasn't all good looks, no. He was much more. And the best thing was, he was my much more. Jack knew me well. He knew when I needed space, when I needed ice cream and when I desperately needed a hug. He was my soulmate. I thought he'd be mine forever.
July 6th, 2014. The day everything changed. Jack had been diagnosed with stage four, terminal brain cancer. There was no doubt he was going to die. It broke my heart to know he had to leave, but he promised that even if he were gone physically, he'd be with me spiritually. Plus he gave me a whole box of t-shirts to wear when I missed him.
Jack and I spent almost every hour of every day together. It was hard seeing him go through the pain and the struggles of having cancer. I couldn't understand how he was feeling but I tried my best to see how it would be if I were in his shoes.
When jack lost his hair, he laughed, so I laughed. When he would be stuck with a needle, he'd cringed so I cringed. I did my best to understand. But what I couldn't understand, was why God had chosen to take my rock away from me. I don't think I'll ever understand that. Maybe I don't want to, I'm just too stubborn to accept the idea that 'everything happens for a reason'.

Jack tried his best to ensure me that I would find happiness again, but I wasn't sure if I ever will. Jack was my home, my happiness. How could I ever replace his warm presence, his scent of apples and cinnamon, his strange taste in music. A part of me has no idea and another part doesn't want to know if there is anything else. I wanted my Jack. But I couldn't have him. There was a time to let go. That day was September 15th. We were at his house for a home visit. We were playing call of duty when he fell unconscious. He was rushed to the hospital and was immediately put into surgery. After a couple of hours, the bad news that he couldn't be saved was passed onto the family and then me. We managed to say our goodbyes, not that he could hear us, considering he was unconscious, but what mattered was the fact that I got to say goodbye, which some people don't get to do. Jack died at 7:32 pm.
He left me eight letters to read at some point after he died, each with a specific time stamp for which to read. The first one was a letter telling me how much he would miss me, reminding me that he was always watching over me and telling me not to hold onto him forever, that at some point I had to let go, not completely, but enough. One thing about the letter that surprised me most was the part where he had told me that 'My story ends here but yours, my sunshine, is only just beginning. I may have been in a lot of your story, but that doesn't mean that I was all that it was. You are the main character. Make it yours.'

RIP Jack Oliver Stone.

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It may be short and not fully detailed but the exclusive details about their relationship will be displayed throughout the story. My heart goes out to anyone who knows anyone with cancer. It's not a fun thing, and I understand that. My prayers are for you.
I hope you enjoy reading my book.
Ps it's still a work in progress, not fully edited so please point out any errors, I won't be mad. I appreciate the support :)

Love from,
G :*