I woke up to a quiet beeping noise. I felt pressure on my arm. I heard telephones and people talking, but mostly crying. I opened my eyes to see that I was in the hospital again. I looked down to my wrists to see that they were stilled stained. I was hungry, but everyone knew that I still wouldn't eat. I wondered where my friends were, but then I remembered that I don't have any. "May, are you ready?" My dad just stared at me with a painful smile that he could barely handle. I didn't want to go home or back to school. "Sure." I repliedi with a sigh. He handed me my clothes to change into. When I was done he checked me out of the hospital and he carried my things out to the car. When I sat down in the passenger seat all there was, was silence. " How long have you been like this May? I never would have guessed you were depressed and anorexic. Why didn't you talk to me? I would have done anything. What pushed you to the point of cutting yourself? Why don't you ever talk to me? Why? Why are you so messed up!?!" Soon as he said it he knew he shouldn't have said the last sentence. " I'll just add that to the list." I mumbled. He started to cry. There was no way I could have summed up my life to explain to him what I was feeling.
As we pulled into the drive way I saw my step mom standing there looking mad. As I got out of the car she asked me to come inside. She never cared about me. She wouldn't care if I did successfully kill myself. She asked my to come into the basement to talk so dad wouldn't hear. "I wish you were gone. You are just a lazy worthless teenager that mopes around all day. Maybe it would be better if you were dead, but then your dad would be nothing without his princess." She said mockingly. She is one of the main contributors to my list. The lists of names I have been called. When dad is around my step mom never talks to me. It is almost like her purpose in life is to make my life miserable. "School starts tomorrow by the way, tomorrow is Monday." The words stung. I just wish sometimes I could sleep forever.
I wanted to stay home. I could already imagine what kids would say to me, I didn't need to go through with it. As I forced myself to get up I picked out jeans and a black long sleeved shirt to cover my scars. It wasn't like a secret or anything, but I try to be discrete. As I tried to rush out the front door before Tina woke up. I already have to deal with school, she would just make my day worse. As the door loudly creaked as I opened it I heard her walking upstairs. I rushed out of there slamming the door behind me. Luckily I only have to walk half a block to school, it is basically my backyard. I saw the burn outs on the corner that is technically off school grounds and as always they offer for me to join them, but like always I decline. I saw the cliques all scattered waiting for the first bell to chime. You see the paranoid energetic people waiting at the front door whispering. You see the popular girls a little to the right from the middle because the middle was the pathway to go eat breakfast at school. You have your jocks over on the other side from the popular girls. Who knows what they do. I thought I should eat breakfast this morning because I felt like I was going to pass out. As I passed down the middle everyone got quiet. As I walked by the girls one pulled me back by my backpack forcing me to fall on my back. They all laughed. I felt humiliated. Then another one held my arms behind me as another one rolled up my sleeves to point out my scars. The one that was holding me pushed me away and when I was lying on the ground Quinn out her foot on my hair so I couldn't get up. I never knew why she was always after me. Even before I was depressed, anorexic, and cut myself she always went out of her way to hurt me. "Weren't successful this time, huh?" "I'm here now aren't I?" I grabbed her ankle that was holding me down by my hair and yanked it. She fell and got her pink shirt dirty. "Freak!" One called. "Just because you're popular now doesn't mean you will after high school." was the only thing off the top of my head. As Quinn was crying because I "hurt" her I picked up my backpack and kept walking.
The bell rang before I could eat breakfast. As I sat down in first period the boy that sat next next to me leaned towards me and whispered "I heard you tried to kill yourself. Is that true?" I never talked to him before, I don't even know his name. " Well I don't think suicide is a solution. What pushed you that?" He asked. I got that feeling in my throat that you get when you try not to cry. " I don't think it is any of your business." I replied. "May, the counselor wants to see you." Mr. Dean shouted. I got up and grabbed my things and felt like I was about to have the most uncomfortable conversation ever. I knew she was going to say that everything will be okay, but the truth is she doesn't know my family and Quinn is perfect in everyone else's eyes. Why would they believe me over her. No one cares what I think any way. As I knocked on Mrs. K's door I regretted walking down here. She opened her door and smiled and signaled me to come in. "I don't want to talk." I sighed. "Are you hungry?" she asked with a smile. I just sat and looked at her and examined the room with the cheesy bully posters. The only furniture in the room was her desk and a few chairs. It was a pale blue room. I just looked her in the eye, wondering if she was going to lecture me on being anorexic. I nodded. She pushed me an apple, a granola bar, and a little milk. Like the ones they serve at lunch. As I chowed down the granola bar you saw disgust on her face by the way I ate. "I saw that you didn't eat breakfast this morning." Mrs. K silently stated. "Did you see why?" I mumbled as I looked at my shoes. "Yes." "You saw that? Why didn't you do anything? Aren't you suppose to help kids?! It was bullying! Quinn and her clique have always been after me and no one has done anything!" I exclaimed. I stood up dramatically and kicked the chair towards the wall. The wall was slightly dented. I rushed out of Mrs. K's office slamming the door behind me.
I rushed to second period. I wanted far from this crummy town. Then maybe I wouldn't be suicidal then. I sat down and all eyes were on me. The teacher stopped and stared as well then continued his lesson. A few minutes pass and a kid threw a piece of crumbled paper. I unraveled it and it clearly said kill yourself. I stood up. "You all think it is funny don't you? That I tried? So you make snotty comments on it because it is the only gossip in this town!! It's people like you that make me hate myself. Maybe next time I will be successful and you won't be laughing then." Everyone just looks at me. One kid chuckled, but then stopped so suddenly. The teacher didn't say anything.
