Bruised and Scarred.

Save Me Tonight

“Jessa, don’t do it. I know what you’re doing. Please don’t do this to me Jessa” Niall cried through the bathroom door. I was just about to run my secret blade over my hip. He startled me making me do it on accident, but still on purpose. He just doesn’t understand. I am head over heels for my best friend and I have no one to talk to about it. Now, I know you’re thinking that’s the shittiest reason to cut yourself. Well it’s not just that, I’ve had a fucked up life ever since I first saw light. I was abused, almost raped, and convinced that I’m the worst excuse for a human being ever. The three ingredients that make the perfect sob story right? Wrong, I hate pity! I hate not having someone to talk about this to. Niall happens to be that sun shining on my black parade. Quickly, I cleaned up and walked out of the bathroom only to instantly be swallowed into a never ending hug. Instantly I felt bad because his eyes were red and the remains of tears were dried on his cheeks. “Jessa”, he sighed. I showed him my wrists and carefully watched as he grabbed them and raked his eyes scanning for the tiniest out of place mark. Nothing new was there besides the first cut I ever made, the only reason Niall knows about my cutting and what started him to believe that he needed to watch me like a hawk ever since my 12th birthday. He didn’t say anymore and I don’t think he wanted to.

                “Hey Jessa, would you like to come play a few games with me?” at the moment Harry asked me to play video games with him I was checking my twitter, for hate. It became a routine now. “Sure”. Whenever I cut, or try to, Niall has someone over for whatever reason, maybe it’s to calm himself from dealing with me. Maybe he has some medication that stops him from acting out over my actions. Who knows? I wouldn’t blame him if he secretly hated me too, just like everyone else. I ended up playing against Harry for hours, who knew a simple game of Monopoly could take so long? That and he was stealing my money. Then Niall played loser, so I ended up watching them, but it soon got tiring and I fell asleep after Niall hand just bought a boardwalk or something.

A brand new day is a brand new day. To me a brand new day is waking up on the couch. Suddenly I had the urge to pee really badly, but that was interrupted when I was in the middle of darting for the bathroom only to be interrupted by Harry and Niall strewn across the floor in front of the couch lying on their game of Monopoly. Being the little shit that I am noticed they didn’t even stir so I switched Harry and Nail’s money. Quietly I snickered to myself on the way to the bathroom. When I came out though the flat was silent, and with Niall you can almost always hear him getting into food. So I slowly entered the kitchen and was thankful for the bright pink sticky note taped to the fridge.

Jessa,

                Harry and I have gone to find some new games. Louis is coming over at 12. Don’t freak out too much until then.

                                                Love, Niall

It was a simple yet effective note with a cute signature, but then Harry’s scrawl sat at the very bottom. Mood ruined. In the mean time it was 11:30 giving me just enough time to shower and change into something comfy before Louis got here. Right then my stomach made a sound resembling someone being strangled. That awful sound lead to my search of something to eat, which I must have forgotten, I live with Niall. So I grabbed my shopping list with a huge bite out of it that says “Niall ate the shopping list”. It was a very clever idea from a very excited fan. I wrote down some things here and there then continued my journey to hop in the shower.

                Without a doubt a new mark was added, I don’t even know why, but I did just to make up for any doubts that come to my mind later. Bad feelings aside, I dried my hair and got a pair of jeans as well as a hoodie the guy’s bought me. Of course it is a One Direction hoodie considering they had no idea what to get for my birthday. Then right as I was applying my natural make-up the door rang, followed by the door opening up and footsteps approaching my room. “So what shall we do today love?”