Walking Past Him

The First Confession.

'I would surely fogive you but alas, my hands cannot reach the knife with which you stabbed me. '

Ever heard about silent death? No? Oh well I have experienced it. A year after I met him, I learned the truth. After falling so deeply in love with him, it became inpossible to ignore the throbbing in my heart or the pain caused by those words.

It was a bright day for everyday was good for a happy little ten year old girl like I was. Clearly oblivious to the greater bad in this world, I lookedforward to school as I did daily, never had I anticipated the pain the day would bring. Being a shy girl, I had only one friend. She was the only friend I could tell everything to yet, I never told her about my feelings for him. Too shy eh? Yes I was. Even the thought of him made my heart do stupid stunts and caused butterflies to do salsa in my tummy. But was this love? I wish I could say no and just move on. But no, by the time I could realise the consequences of my grave feelings for him, I was burning with his love. The small spark he once ignited was transforming into a light fire burning a little of my insides.

That day, I clearly remember, she came to me. She was bouncing with joy and her face screamed that she had fallen in love. Her first love. When she came to me to tell, without her saying a word I blurted out-

'Who is he?'

She blushed. Her face was glowing with a newly found glow. After struggling and blushing a little more, she blurted out a name. The name that echoed in my dreams, the name which made my heart skip a beat. It was Him.

Betrayal. It seemed like the only emotion thst existed. Like the oxygen betrayed my lungs and she betrayed me. Was it okay to feel this? No. It was not her fault. Who would not drool over a hot greek god and not stare if he was in a radius of two metres from you? Tears threatened to flow down my eyes and everything felt lost, like everything was so foreign. Nothing seemed to be correct and my heart, it was swollen with wounds.

Shortly after that, he got to know about her feelings for him, thanks to me. It was my fault that when he asked me, I could not lie to him. So it was me who was consumed by the guilt of betraying her and he, he changed too. For the forest time I saw him behaving in a weird way.

He started ignoring her completely, like she did not exist. We all never ever saw him act like this. Why was he doing this? He was shy. He masked it with a fake self confidence but I knew him well, courtesy my curiousity. He cared alot for her emotions and was focused on studies, he did not want to spark her feelings. Oh boy! He never knew about the never-ending fire he had set me on. This was driving me crazy. How could he hurt her like this? He was so carefull not to hurt her that he hurt her with his carefullness. She soon became non-existant for him

And today here I am, a nobody for him.