blue | a collection of tronnor oneshots

i wanted you to find yourself

prompt: honestly idk

"I look at you the way you look at her." I say and he tilts his head to the side.

"Excuse me?" Were sitting on his bed, our knees touching as he draws his brow together in confusion, the only light in the room being the fairy lights draped over the wall.

He said he knew something was wrong, that he could feel it.

In the way I touched my hair nervously.

The way I avoided eye contact the whole day.

How I turned down his mothers offer for Nutella toast.

"Never mind." I mutter and he sighs aggressively, becoming annoyed with my tactics.

"Don't never mind me Troye, I dragged you home with me so you'd tell me what's bothering you, not so you can avoid my questions." I dart my eyes down ward, playing with my hands nervously.

"I don't want to tell you anymore." I say and he sighs.

"And why not?"

"You make me feel wrong, dirty almost." I finally look up to see him sympathetic and confused.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I make you feel that way I can change-"

"No, it's not anything you do specifically. It's just..." I'm quiet for a moment. I don't want to tell him, I don't want to tell him that I love him and I want him as more than a best friend. I want to be with him, I want to feel him in ways best friends don't.

"Just what?" Connor pressures and I shake my head.

"I can't do this. I have to go." I jump up from his bed, ignoring his protests and almost make it out before he grabs my shoulders and pins my back to the door.

"No, wait don't go." His nails are digging into my shoulder but that's not why I'm crying. His expression softens as he retracts one hand to wipe away some of the tears. "Tro, baby don't cry."

I try to push him off, to get him to leave me alone but his tight grip and my secret wanting for him to stay pressed against me keeps me from accomplishing my goal.

"Get away from me." I cry and he trembles as he holds me down, me thrashing under him.

"Calm down! Please stop struggling." His voice is shaky as his eyes also fill with tears and guilt floods into my stomach as I see how much this is destroying him.

"No, I want to go home." And with that I fall limp against him, sobbing into his shoulder. I spent the last 17 years of my life doing this, 19 years for him , crying on his shirts and using him as my rock. Now he's become the thing to cause me pain as well as relief.

"You're already home Tro, your just upset." He's right, he is my home, he's my everything and he knows it.

"Then why the fuck are you hurting me? You're supposed to keep me safe." His whole body tenses as he draws patterns onto my back and I can feel his tears stain my shirt like mine are to his.

"H-hurting you? I'm hurting y-you?" Connor has always been very protective over me, being younger and more child like he's treated me like I'm his one and only for all of my life. The thought of him hurting me must kill him.

"In the best way possible." I say and he drags me to his bed were he sits me in his lap, one leg draped over each hip, and holds my face gently between his hands.

"What do you mean Princess?" my lips quiver as I get ready to admit truth, to tell him my secret I've purposely hidden for the past two years.

"I...I'm in love." He tights his grip on my face and his eyes narrow, fear radiating in the bright green.