Stormy Seas and Sullen Skies

Chapter 1

There is a boy here. He is sitting next to me, not uttering a word.
I can't bear to look at him. I know what will happen if I do. I know what I'll see when I meet his gaze...what view will bite at the edges of my mind. I can't do this again. Why am I taunted in my own dreams? Brought to my knees by my own subconscious?

I know this dream, of course. It is the same each night. My senses attempt to act as my balance, they try to make me someone braver than I truly am, but they are useless. Every single sequence of this nightmare plays through my mind in an endless, agonizing loop. How is it that still, each time it chills me to the core?

The fact that none of this is real, the fact that should change everything, washes over my mind. It's like dipping my toes into cool water after standing on hot sand. But, despite the truth of this thought, my body is still frozen in fear.

I'm not ready, no. I can't. I can't. I can't.

"Jamie," His voice is so cold when he finally speaks that it causes me to shiver on impulse.

I know that voice so well.

"Are you ashamed?" He hisses through gritted teeth.

My mouth is braver than any other part of my being, it seems: "Why should I be?" I retort, instantly regretting it.

"I understand..." His voice softens briefly, his tone haunting my very soul, " you have no remorse for the boy you left to die," his words are so callous...so bitter. This is not my Finn. Not the one I loved.

"Y-you know that's not what I wanted to-"

He cuts me off, "-yet that's what happened. I would know better than anyone, Jame. You could never know the pain I felt."

With his merciless words, tears cascade down my reddened cheeks, releasing with them every single ounce of pain I know that he must be feeling. My stomach twists and I lurch forward in agony. I feel it. He's making me feel his pain.

And that is when I finally decide I have the audacity to meet his eye. I lift my head, still drenched in my own tears, and gaze upon the boy I once would've given up everything for.

What I am greeted with is something that makes me want to tear the skin from my bones with my bare hands. I want to claw my own eyes out, just so I do not have to witness him like this...

A cold, lifeless corpse.
***
"Hey, Jamie!" Mer's voice pulls me out of my own mind and back into the harsh reality of high school. First period. I'm early.

Mer shoots me a smile and flops down into the seat next to me. Her grin wavers, though, when she notices my discomfort.

"Hey...what's up? You okay?" She attempts to brighten my mood by nudging me playfully.

"I'm fine. I just-...the dream. I had it again." I lower my head.

Her expression hardens briefly with my confession, then she frowns deeply and puts a hand on my shoulder. I can feel her sympathy in the small gesture.

I smile despite my mood and try joking around to feel better, like she would: "Besides, you wouldn't know what it's like to have been in love with a boy...the agony,"my smile twists into a smirk.

Mer punches me in the shoulder slightly, "Hey, I thought we didn't make jokes about each others sexualities in this friendship..." Her lip curls into a half smile. She is obviously happy that I'm kidding around again.

"Hm...I must've missed that little fact...where would that be stated again?" I lean back in my chair a bit.

"A common mistake. It is clearly stated on page 336 in sub-section B of The Friendship Agreement of Eternal Sacredness." She does not falter.

"Oh..." I nod, pretending to understand, "so it's in that one...not the one you just made up?"

She pats my head, "Oh, child, you have much to learn of the rules of our friendship," she then lowers her voice, whispering in my ear, "otherwise, you will be terminated, and I would have to search far and wide for a new sassy, gay best friend."

"Enforcing stereotypes, are we?" I challenge, raising an eyebrow.

"You know I only speak the truth, my dear Jamie." Mer winks, and we both laugh. It's a good laugh. Just what I need.

As we take our seats, all I can think about is leaving this god forsaken place. Then I remember: swim practice is today. I smile to myself, just waiting till the moment my body hits the water. Finally, I think, some peace.

That's when Coach's words hit me again:
"We'll have a new swimmer next time we meet, boys. Joining up right when we need him, it seems. From Collins Academy. A real winner."

I'm sure he is. We don't get half the training the kids at Collins get. Our school isn't half the size of their castle. I roll my eyes, can't wait to meet him.