The Sob Stories of Lizzie Emerson (ON HOLD)

8

I remember spiraling out of control ...

May 16, 2013 5:45 AM

The day I decided to fully take the reigns on my life was when I made the most horrible decision ever. I couldn't remember what I did exactly, it comes back to me in flashes, small glimpses of one of the most blurriest times of my jacked up life.

There was at least five people with me at the time, and we all brought some sort of illicit drug to the table. Whether it being cocaine to acid, we did almost every single kind, it was almost sickening to think about. 

This rave so to speak was on for about four days now, I was completely exhausted. My thumb tips burn from striking a lighter constantly, my nose is runny and irritated, my eyes are bloodshot and my whole body screamed at me whenever I move my muscles. 

I couldn't help but still feel empty and pathetically useless.

The trip that lasted until it finally made me lose my high was when I was sitting on the battered couch with my head resting on the back and my eyes shut. All I can see around me was swirling dark clouds, they had my family's faces in them, I had this strong feeling of dread and fear.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, the sound was muffled by the roaring thunder that cascaded around this room of darkness. Rain pelted down from the clouds against my skin, making me shiver.

My heart started to race, my eyes darted to the left and right until my chapped lips finally opened and I let out a shriek of agony. 

This needs to end!

My mind knew I had more time in this drug induced dream, the faces started to taunt me, telling me all of things I knew that were right about me. 

Idiotic, useless, no good for nothing junkie whore, lowlife...the words kept repeating, over and over. 

I reach out to touch the dark matter, but it disintegrates when my finger tips finally reach the edge. My hopes were crushed, knowing that I will never escape this never ending cycle of resentment.

47 Days Clean

"My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed, dried up and bulging out my skull, my mouth is dry, my face is numb, fucked up and spun out in my room"

I'M SORRY I WAS AFK FOR AWHILE (btw afk means away from keyboard). I will update more often don't you fret. Thanks for reading!! :* :)