You'll Never Love Yourself

I looked at myself in the mirror.

The foreign body staring back at me. I was disgusted with the way the bikini looked on me.

It was black with white polka dots. I wanted so badly to take it off. But it wasn't for me. It was for Harry.

Harry and I had been best friends for two years after he almost accidentally hit me with his car. He tried to repay me with a trip to StarBucks and we hit it off.

Today was his birthday party. He begged me to come, as he knows how self conscious I am, and I finally gave in.

I always had mixed feelings for Harry but put them off because I knew he didn't feel the same.

Why would he love someone like me anyway? 

I heard a knock on the door and I quickly wrapped a towel around my disgusting body.

It was Harry

."You almost done? You've been in there for hours you okay ?" He sounded a bit frightened

"Yeah I just have to tie my top." I heard him chuckle

"You know I could help you (Y/N). "

"I think I can manage, but thank you maybe next time."

"Okay love. Hurry up! I'll be outside ."

He closed the door and I heard foot steps leaving.

"Okay" I whispered.

I felt my eyes water. It was time for everyone to see me.

For Harry to see me.

I felt sick and trapped I wanted to run. I took another glance at myself and I was ready to break down and cry .

"Why am I so gross? Why did I agree to this? Im so FAT!"

I couldn't take it anymore.

I slid my back down the wall in sobs. I brought my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth. My cries echoed the small bathroom.I could hear all the fun and laughs from outside.

After what seemed like forever I was out of tears. I slowly got up and looked at myself in the mirror.

"You ugly piece of filth. Look what you're doing to yourself! You were so stupid to think Harry would ever love you!" I felt tears starting to sting my eyes again. There was a loud bang at the door

" (Y/N)! OPEN THE DOOR!"

I jumped.

It was Harry and he was angry.

I struggled with the door, hoping that it would buy me time.

It didn't. He rushed to me and hugged me. I was confused.

"Im sorry Harry." He tightened his grip on me

"(Y/N) What's wrong?"

You stayed silent as your fingers grazed across the back of his neck.

"I-I can't do this Harry." He soothingly rubbed your back

"Do what love?"

"THIS HARRY!" You screamed. Harry jumped back at the volume of your voice.

"(Y/N)..."

"I'm sorry..." You whispered. Harry sighed with a frown. He looked at you. You saw his eyes move lower down your body.

His eyes widened.

You heard him gasp.

Oh no you thought.