My Life

Giving Up

Yeah... Well let's get started. 

So over the years of my childhood, I learned the phrase I think everyone learns: "At first you don't succeed, try try again." 

Well that doesn't apply to me. In fact I make a joke saying, "At first you don't succeed, DENY DENY DENY." 

I'm a horrible person that wants everything to be perfect. Whether it is my writing, grades, music, art, etc, it needs to be 100% Not even joking... So if I don't get that 100% regardless if it's just 98% or whatever, I'll hate myself.

I'll be like: "Oh that's a stupid idea... Why the heck did I do that instead of that" etc. So because of this, my life is constantly full of regrets... And believe it or not, I'm really good at hiding my feelings.

I'm obviously not going to let my parents know about my feelings (as if they care in the first place), but I tend to express my true feelings through the internet or when I'm alone. Believe me... It's easy to hide a few bruises or two when you wear a jacket all day at school.

However, now that I think of it, I found that being perfect isn't possible (ok well I was more thinking "Clove... You're a really stupid person for thinking you can be perfect..."). If we were all perfect, well... I'm afraid that in the near future, we won't know who to call our friends or the best. Everyone will just be... Well average. 

I've given up on a lot of things and to be honest, I regret it now. You guys don't know it, but I have a small journal of all my story ideas I came up with while I was growing up. I remember being all like; "Yeah I'm going to do this! It's going to be awesome!" But then after a month or two, if it didn't turn out well... I just gave up. 

Most of those stories went unfinished and even lost. In fact, everytime I gave up on something, I'd take a huge permanent marker and cross out the page out of frustration. 

Now that I'm older ( ahh..  How old am i again? 60? Jk jk), I wish I didn't cross out the pages or even give up. Some of them were actually great ideas... (For example: I was going to write a book about finding old relics in my school playground, changing the world into two dimensions [ok well since I was little I said "two magical places"] where humans were the bad guys against the wizards and knights. I know. Great story ahahaha....is it? I thought it was good...). 

I may not be able to write all those ideas, but I feel like it just encourages me to never give up.

Life geta hard everynow and then... But the question is, what's stopping you? Take a moment to think... How many of those problems are from the outside world? How many of those problems are about yourself? The world is full of opportunites and distractions, but it's up to you to pick which one to slip your attention to.

Well that's my time. Sorry that this kinda got deep ( trying to manipulate your minds jk jk), but I hope in some ways it helps. 

With that note, have an awesome day/week/month/year/life! Everyone can be alive or dead (mentally and emotionally), but it's up to you guys. Though if you guys need someone to talk to, I'm open to anyone (not in a creepy way...ahh I feel that by saying this, it only makes me sound more creepy...) if they need to talk. 

So with that note, stay awesome everyone.