Dear Me,
This is going to be a letter I am writing to myself and if anyone finds this I'm screwed. But to be honest I don't know what I'm doing with myself now. I honestly regret telling him I liked him, but ever since then I cant help, but worry if he's talking to someone else or something of the sort. He messages me first which makes me happy, but he message about sexual things he isn't going to get. I honestly don't want a friends with benefits thing with him because then it would be like my ex boyfriend all over again. I thought everything was going to work out from the start, but of course I had to mess it up again. I swear relationships aren't my thing; or I'm just picking the wrong guys, but the guys I like always end up liking me for my body and the guys that like me I don't like back. The saddest part of all this is that after he hurt me or the amount of times he has made me cry; I still like him because I know who he is. A kind, loving and understanding person; even though he doesn't show it to his friends I know deep down he's an emotional person in need of love and attention. I really miss him and everything about him.
I miss the way he would look at me like I'm a psycho. The way his eyes twinkle after we kiss. His voice when he's tired, but doesn't want to go to sleep because I'm not tired. I miss his laugh; it was the cutest and the most adorable thing. Whenever he would laughing I would laugh along or smile to myself. I miss the way his lips wold go around mine and he would hold me against his body. I miss the warmth of his body against mine. He was sweet, genuine, honest and real with me, but I messed it up because I was being foolish. Now I lost the best thing I could have ever gotten.
FUCK ME!!
Fuck everything because I seem to mess it all up. Fuck falling for people because someone always fall harder than the other. Fuck feelings and fuck everything else. There is no such thing as a happy ending. My heart feels broken and disabled. Sometimes I just want to sit down in a hole for 10 months forgetting all the memories he left me with. And maybe that's where I'm suppose to be... 10 feet under
