The darkness felt like it engulfed my very soul. There was no odd feeling of failing. No pain just darkness... Then a bright light... Wait? What? Light? I mean I heard all the tales of the light you see at the end of the tunnel, but honestly I just thought those were just tall tales. However, the even weirder sensation was it felt like my eyes were closed and I was feeling this bright light through my closed eyes. I thought to myself maybe it was not my time maybe I was hoping to much not to live in this world without my love by my side. Maybe I'm in the hospital and I just need to open my eyes. Yet, there was a pain in my heart with this knowledge... Wait? Pain? My thoughts were running all over the place nothing was making sense if I was death none of these feels should be there, right?
In my mind I sighed to myself knowing better then to be acting like such a child and that I could not have left my two children with the burden of there mother and father passing on the same day. I began to then test what I could move and if there really was still a body there for me. The weird thing was that my eyes felt like they had no been open in a millennium. This feeling... I don't even have the words to describe it. I have been sick in the pass, but this feeling... Was like as if my eyes had never been open. My brain was racing to remember what it was even like to open my eyes. I could feel the pounding of my heart against my chest escalate with the stress of even trying to remember what my body was and how to even move it. As I fought with my own body to even get sensation from it, the blackness flooded in and I was gone again.
Flick, flick, flick. What... light began again to hit my eyes and wake me again from the darkness I had fallen into. My whole body felt heavy. I was worried about what the others maybe gathered around me if I was in the hospital were thinking. I listened hoping to hear the sound of my children and knowing they were there with me. The sound of there voices would let me finally feel and try again, I just felt this. However, there was only dead silence. This moment of thought was very short lived and I felt my mind and body slip again. My heart was racing as the arms that seemed to only exist in my mind reached out to grab on to anything they could hold. But nothing could be reached and I fail yet again into the abyss.
What was time? The more I slipped back and forth the longer and longer time and all that revolves around it seemed to slip into oblivion. However, the one thing my mind still could wrap itself around was that it seemed that every time I awoke again the longer my body could stay were I could feel the bright light hit my eyes. I began during these moments to wonder if I had not died in a crash or not died but put into a coma and was fighting to awake. Or if the final moment that I felt was so real sitting in the rain was but a figment of my imagination. Oooh...my mind it hurt so much trying to go over all this again...maybe one last time I would let the darkness consume me...it was just to much work...
Why? Why was my body feeling like this? I felt like a person that had never know what it was like to move. My eyes, arms, feet, and everything else, where were they? Did I even have a brain? Again the light greeted my conscious awaking, my eyes would still not open. Yet, something was different this time. What was this feeling? Why? Why? Why is my brain not working and putting together was this feeling is. Oh, wait...this...this is warmth. My body was finally able to tell what was going on around it some what. This gave me energy to try and feel other things I had seemed to forget about. My eyes first, I tried to open again, but it was a vein effort for they still remained sealed. Next I just tried to get a grasp what was on my body. However, I could feel nothing but the glowing warmth that seemed to engulf my body. Then like a flash the darkness flooded in and I was gone.
This time when my mind let me return there was no light that seemed to shine through my eyes but just the comforting warmth around my body. My body felt so relaxed in this warmth that I could feel the darkness creeping back in, but no, I could not fall again. I needed to figure out what was going on! I fought with all the strength my body seemed to have in it, to fight the darkness. At that very moment the unthinkable happened and a pain went shocking through me. Snapping me back. Then slowly I being to feel function in my body aches and pains. I heard a moan slip through my lips. In the silence though it sounded like thunder and did not even sound human. My mind let the darkness take me one last time... this was to much.
Finally I awoke and there it was, my body, I could sense this time I could move it. I tried to feel what was around me. I could sense now that my body was in a laying down posing, however, at a slightly tilted upright position. I tried to wiggles my fingers but I could tell that even the slightest movement seemed to take every ounce of strength that I had in me. Okay, lets do this, I put everything into open my eyes this time. The will, strength, and determination ruled the path now to open and see where I was. Finally, after fighting and struggling a crack broke through and the light even flooded in more powerful then ever into my eyes. IT BURNED! My eyes snapped shut again and little tears began to roll down my eyes. The light had felt like fire! Ohhh the pain... Why? Why was it like this light had never in my life felt like that.
