Distance

When I met you, I never could have imagined how special you would become to me. Immediately when I saw you, I knew it was something special about you, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

The more time passed, I began to understand. Understand what was starting to happening ...

You were all I thought and dreamed about. My greatest wish was to hold you in my arms and never let go of you, but I refrained. You wouldn't understand me, no one would understand me. For what I felt for you, was not normal. That is why I kept my feelings to myself.

"And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening"

All this time, I thought that if I tried to ignore my feelings, then they would go away. But they didn't. I was afraid of being revealed.

Our friendship was special, and I didn't want to destroy it. I dared not risk losing you. I wanted to be sure that every time I went to bed, I'd get to see your beautiful face again.

"Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now"

One day you came to me. Your lovely smile was contagious, and I started to smile without knowing why. You said you were in love, in a person who you've known a long time. You told me that this person meant the world to you. Instantly, I felt how my cheeks heated up.

But then you said it. The words that made my heart broke into a million pieces. It was not I, but a 'he' which you loved.

I felt awful every time you cried over your boyfriend because I wished it would end between you two. Just the thought of anyone else touching and loving you made me cry myself to sleep every single night.

"And I keep waiting
For you to take me"

But I kept hoping that one day you would become mine. Now, it's been 5 years ... You're married and expecting your first child. I can see that the exhilaration you're expressing is for real. That's why I let you go, no matter how much it will hurt for me. The most important thing is that you are happy.

"I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you'll understand"

I wish I had known that there was a time when you loved me, but you said nothing because of the fear of destroying what we had. Fear of what people would say about you. That's why you let yourself fall in love with a boy instead because that's what is normal. If I only had known. Now it's too late. There is so much that I had wanted to tell you, but I never did ...

Goodbye, my beloved.

"Make sure to keep my distance
Say, 'I love you' when you're not listening
How long 'til we call this love, love, love?"