In Which Karkat Insults You

What An Asshole

Karkat.  Vantas.  Just his name makes you cringe and laugh and sigh...

Hey, no wrong ideas, he's a good friend.  A great friend! He just tends to be a little bit high strung...

Like that one time you guys were watching one of his stupid rom coms.  You giggled at how dramatic it was when the cerulean blooded troll swept the aquamarine blood into his arms, how the aquamarine cried softly as they wrapped themselves into a sweet kiss...

"Ha!" you snorted.  " It's so cheesy, and dramatic, I just can't even-"

"HEY!" he growled.  "THIS ROMANCE IS THE FUCKING SHIT.  YOU NEED TO GET BETTER TASTE IN MOVIES IF YOU WANT TO KEEP UP WITH ME." He then had proceeded to have a patented Karkat rant about why the movie was the "fucking shit".  You learned from that moment on to be cautious with your comments, just in case you didn't want to be lectured by a grouchy troll for another 6 minutes.

Still, even when he lectured you on the finer points of troll romance you'd heard a thousand times, you simultaneously wanted to stifle his large mouth and swell with giddiness for his silly antics.  It would not be incorrect to say you were fond of your tense little troll.  As you remind yourself constantly, he really is a sweetheart! 

In fact, he was even willing to give movie night another go.  You two have spent a lot of time together recently, but since "In-Which-An-Aquamarine-Blood-and-a-Blue-Blood-Fall-Drastically-Black, and-a-Cerulean-Blood-Intercedes-In-Order-To-Prevent-the-Aquamarine-Blood-From-Falling-Out-of-Kismesitude-With-a-Teal-Blood-"- er, since the "shouty, ranty Karkat episode over bad romances"- he had refused to watch anymore movies with you.  But tonight he conceded to watch another rom com over you kicking his ass again in multiplayer of troll Civilization V.  

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU RUIN THIS AGAIN, I WILL RAM A KNIFE SO DULL IT MAKES MY HORNS LOOKS SHARP, INTO YOUR FUCKING DORSAL POLE UNTIL IT CRACKS IN HALF AND YOU FALL TO PIECES."  You sigh, but inwardly crack up at his hissy tantrum.  Karkat was just so fucking cute, you couldn't handle it!

"Karkat, if you try, I swear to god, I will use a pen to draw male human bulge on your face before ramming it down your throat.  So shut the fuck up before you force my hand."  You couldn't quite stop the tiny smile forming on your face as he grumbled and settled down on the couch.  He griped about how dangerous he was, and how easily he could beat you, and his theoretical versions of victory as you set the movie up on his husktop.  Okay, now he REALLY needed to shut up.

"Karkat, sh!" you shooshed him as you settled down beside him, curling your legs up beside you as you leaned against him.  It was actually quite cozy.  He was sort of lean, his shoulder cozy enough.  Just for movie night, you had alchemized a spare towel with one of Terezi's plushies to create the LEMONSNOUT BLANKET.  Karkat was a bit confused but you had just shrugged and draped it over him.  He was wrapped in this now, which was all fuzzy against your cheek.  You grinned and nuzzled cheerfully at the fuzz as the credits started.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm just getting cozy, Karkat."

"WELL CAN YOU STOP?  IT'S SORT OF DISTRACTING AND I'M TRYING TO WATCH... WELL, WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS."

"... Karkat have you never seen this?"

"UH, NO?"  Surprised, you sat up and looked at him.

"Karkat Vantas, romance extraordinaire has never seen the best action-romance in history?  No R.O.U.S's?  No six-fingered man?  No Dread Pirate?" He shook his head grimly.  "Inconceivable!"  You smirked as he scowled down at you.

"OKAY, HAHA, I HAVE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THIS BEFORE.  QUADRANT MASTER VANTAS FAILS AGAIN, WHAT A BIG SURPRISE.  NOW, IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO WATCH THIS, YOU NEED TO BE QUIET SO I CAN HEAR WHAT THESE GRUBTARDS ARE EVEN SAYING.  GOT IT?"