Looking at someone I thought was the love of my life. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I've found out let alone realized so many things in these few months before this moment.
The man I'm supposed to be marrying has not been faithful to me. Like come on now why would you even ask me to marry you? But Even prior to this he wasn't a good man to me. So I don't even know why this shocked me.
He has beaten me on countless occasions. All because he felt as if I wasn't doing something right or I wasn't fast enough for him. I know this sounds stupid of me because I obviously stayed since I'm getting married to him but I only stayed in fear of letting my parents down or him finding me and hurting me more than he already has.
My parents always felt that I wasn't good enough to get a man let alone keep one. So they decided to set me up with a rich black man as they would say. My mom was always fond of him as if she wanted him or something. So staying with him was my way of showing them that I could keep a man even though I didn't get him on my own.
And he always threatened me if I thought about leaving. He put fear in me. I was never really the type to be afraid but when it came to him that was a different story. But all of that fear went out of the window when I met someone.
This may seem wrong me hanging with a guy even though I'm getting married. But It was all friendly at first. That was up until he showed me how a woman should be treated.
He took me on dates. He didn't belittle me. He never said any harsh things to me which is surprising because he does have a temper.
He showed me that I was worth more and deserved better, and in that amount of time I found myself falling in love with him.
He loved me like no one else could. Not even my parents love me that much. He showed me what love really is.
So standing in front of the man I thought loved me I've come to the realization that he doesn't. He just wants someone who he can have control over.
He wants someone weak and vulnerable and will listen to everything he says. He wants someone he can boss around and take advantage of.
But that girl ain't me anymore. I wont tolerate anymore bullshit from anyone anymore.
"Fuck what ya' mama and daddy think. They just tryna live through ya'"
His words played through my mind as I thought about how I might lose him because I came here.
He told me not to come here because I didn't have to prove shit to nobody. But me being hardheaded I came anyway and me coming here just might say to him I chose someone else which is not at all true.
In all honesty I've been trying to deny my love but I just can't. No matter what I just can't seem to deny my love for him. He was the one who cared for me when no one else did. He was there for me when no one else was.
It took me attending this wedding with a pure asshole to realize that. I thought if I came here it would change my mind but it didn't. I really love that man.
I didn't realize I had zoned out until I heard Brandon call my name.
I looked up at him. " Uh do you have your vows" he scratched the back of his neck as he chuckled nervously.
I then looked around the room at everyone. They don't know what I've been going through with this man.
The man that they all thought was a saint.
